A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My late fiance and I were together for three years; engaged for one. He died six months ago in a huge car accident that took three other lives as well... and I'm still having a hard time coping with the loss. I've received an insane amount of love and support from my family and friends and it helps that I can rely on HIS family for support as well.For three months straight, I cried myself to sleep and was barely alive at work. At first, I was furious with my fiance for dying, I was depressed and heartbroken that he DID die, most of the time I was at a complete loss for words. But now, all I can think is how could this happen to me!? To my fiance? Why did the powers that be choose MY fiance to take? I need him! We were going to get married soon and have three children! We were going to watch them grow up and send them off to college! We were going to have grandchildren that we spoil!I'm crying as I type this and I can't take it! I want my love back but I know it won't happen. It's just... so hard. Will I ever get over this? Will I ever find someone who I can love as much as I love my heart and soul? Will I even want to? Will I look at my children someday and think "You don't have the right father"? Please, someone, help me. Before I lose my mind.Thanks...
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at work, depressed, engaged, fiance, heartbroken Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): I desperately want to say you will. But I can't guarantee it. No one can. The chances are, though, that eventually you will meet someone who will love you and who you will love. It won't be the same, it never is. It will be different.However, this will take a LONG time to recover from. Don't expect it to be easy or swift. I know that's hard, but it is a tiny bit easier if you give yourself time and not rush into anything. I had a friend who had a 4 and 1 year-old when her husband dropped dead of an aneurism. She is still coming to terms with it 5 years later (they were in their mid-30s). She tried dating a lovely guy two and a bit years ago but she wasn't ready then. She still wanted her husband back.You will get there, I promise, but you will need a lot of strength and permission to just sit and cry whenever you want. Just one day at a time.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (11 July 2011):
 First of all, my condolences on your loss of your beloved fiance.
Losing anyone we love is tragic and leaves this huge hole in our hearts that seems unable to be filled ever again.
It has been 6 mos, and you are still in pain. Have you spoken to a counselor who hopefully specializes in grieving and loss?
Grieving is a complicated process and there is no "one size fits all" for you find healing. A counselor can help you get thru the emotional maze and minefield.
I lost my Father about 10 years ago in a car accident. I was in a state of shock and do not remember the 3 mos that followed. A counselor helped me with the loss.
All the feelings you are having, including feeling crazy, are NORMAL. Your body and your mind are still trying to accept this. The acceptance WILL come. The peace WILL come.
It will take time and you have to give yourself permission to feel everything you need to right now AND permission to heal. Eventually, you will give yourself permission to be happy again.
Do talk to a Dr. about depression if you feel you can not function in your daily activities and have lost interest in your own life. Consider the possibility of taking an anti depressant, which could help you get thru this time.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): I desperately want to reply with some good advice to help you but I just don't know what to say except that I am so very sorry for your loss.
I think this is probably a bit beyond your average dearcupid aunty and that you should consider speaking to the therapist.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): They say God always does this for a reason. I believe it was his time. My sister lost her fiance in a fire @ work he was trying to help others out. So I do know what your kinda going through because I was there every second of the day. I'm gonna be honest w/u. He passed away 12 yrs ago and so now she is married w/2 beautiful kids. She always says to me that when her and her husband do ever get into an argument the 1st thing that pops into her head is that guy. It was horrible the 1st time she ever tried to even date cause she felt like she was cheating on him. It took a lot ofcounciling for her to move on w/her life and 2 amazing sisters that she always spelled out her guts too no matter what time or day. My advice is its ok to cry and mourn u have a right too. I do believe u will move on but its gonna be a while and hard. Take time for yourself and don't worry about the future right now. Take 1 day @ a time. I know its hard but going back to work and spending time w/friends and family worked a lot for my sister she always says that to me. U don't have to forget about him but u do need to realise u do have to go on. For mostly yourself. I don't think there's a time limit on it. God bless u!!! And his family. We have a new Angel in heaven! May god rest his soul.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (11 July 2011):
 I'm very sorry for your loss. No one ever gets over the death of a loved one. They just learn to deal with it. You will find someone as great as your fiance was. You're mourning now, so I know you don't think that's possible. No one will be able to take his place in your heart and life, he will always be there. But someone will come along and you will love them just as much. Don't try to find someone until you are absolutely ready which will take time. You'll want to find someone and you need to because you can't let this hold you back forever you have to keep living your life for you and for your fiance who would of wanted you to. Give yourself some time but keep living your life. Things will get better. Hope I helped. xxx
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