A
female
age
36-40,
*enada846
writes:I have been chasing guys for the last five years and I've come to a point in my life that I feel like I can't even go on a date anymore- I've tried online and that didn't work- I've tried going out a lot - that didn't work to meet men with my just as Hindu to find love group of girlfriends. I've tried to find love at work and the common denominator is this - men have found me attractive and have taken advantage of my niceness and walked over me. I just got dumped by a man that I met through friends and he was so mean to me that it wiped the wind out of me. It's been months and I feel like I'm in this depressive circle that I walk around in . I tried to go online to date but I couldn't - I've tried to go out but I can't seem to find anyone - i feel like I'm going nowhere - my therapist said that the right man will come and appreciate me and not take me for granted but I'm anxious - I'm entering my thirties and I seem to be running out of options - I've been told "well you've tried so hard and your old ways of finding someone haven't worked so why don't you relax and let it come to you." I worry could this be true? Please advise - I'm tried everything. And all I've gotten is a man that can't appreciate an honest heart working woman
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (25 August 2016):
You should just try "not dating" for a while. A lot of women who believe that they are on a timer, and life is passing them by are often taken advantage of. Women like you put an aura of desperation around themselves and guys don't read that as wife or long term material. Even though you consider yourself as an honest hard/heart working woman, you aren't being honest with yourself. A guy and most guys will just take advantage of your kindness. Are they wrong? Yes. But it is human nature to just take advantage. Even if you met the nicest guy he will get used to your ways and the moment you want to change, he won't even know how to react.
Overall, just take a break. Your therapist is basically trying to tell you that maybe you should be patient. Being patient isn't simply waiting, but rather your behavior while doing so. Calm down, and enjoy life and realize that it is not the end of the world that you haven't found someone yet.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2016):
 I think until YOU have found a bit of peace within yourself and have created a life you are happy with, it's going to be hard finding a partner that will "stick".
I have read MANY of your other posts and I have to say they don't sound like a woman who should be dating right now. YOUR focus should be you. A man will not "magically" fix your life, your loneliness and your dissatisfaction with your life. YOU have to pull yourself out of that hole before you will have room for love.
I have been there. I ended up not dating seriously for almost 3 years. ( I did go out with a couple of guy for a movie, a show a dinner, but nothing further) I just wasn't in the right state of mind to be able to GIVE much and I wasn't in the right state to PICK (or so I thought) the kind of guy who was a keeper. I found my equilibrium instead. I found a job I excelled at, I traveled and enjoyed life and guess what? I rant into the person I have have now spend 20 years of my life with.
YOU need to BE happy to BE a great partner and I think to find someone who sees YOU as a keeper.
Happiness comes from within.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (23 August 2016):
 OP, you're lonely and lost, right now. You feel your life is empty because you stopped partying all the time, worrying about materialistic things and cutting off dodgy friends.... Now is not the right time for you to be in a relationship.You need to learn to cope with how your life is at the moment, change it, be happy with it, *then* think about dating. You can't date people if you aren't content with your life because it will come across on your dates.You need to focus on one thing at a time, starting with your job. Do you have one? Do you like it? If not, apply for jobs you're interested in.Next, volunteering. Once a week, spend a few hours helping at an animal shelter or soup kitchen for homeless people. Prospective partners like people who help themselves and others - it will boost your happiness, but you've got to push yourself to do it.Thirdly, get a hobby. Reading is great; if you like to read, a book club may be a good way to interact with potential friends. Take up a sport that has a club, like badminton or tennis, so you can get some energy out and meet people at the same time.This is all for *you* to make your life better *for you*, not to date. You can't date someone if you're not able to be happy as a single person, and you're not, right now.OP, it's up to you to put the advice you get into practice and get a new job, be a volunteer, find a hobby, etc. Your life will just pass you by, if you let it.
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