A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m 25 (turning 26 in a month). When I was 23 I fell completely in love with a man I met at an event – he was my first love. We were both in love and wanted to get married. We were on the verge of getting engaged after around a year and were making plans for our future. We are both from an Asian background and when the time came for our engagement, there were various superstitious reasons why his family didn’t agree with the match (our horoscopes did not match). Being modern British Asians, my ex-boyfriend and I did not believe in these traditions but his family were very strong believers in it. After months of him fighting with his family, it was clear they would never agree with our marriage and we broke up, even though we loved each other. It is two years on and we are not in touch, which has helped me to heal very much, but I found out a few months ago that he got engaged. When I found out, I felt so much pain about him being with someone else, even though so much time has gone by. I have been going on so many dates over the past year trying to find the one, but I have to honestly say that I haven’t found anyone that I really like. There’s this terrible fear inside me that I’ll never feel love for someone like I felt for him. On top of that I’m stressing about needing to find someone, as I am nearly 26. I’m scared that the trauma of losing him has damaged me in some way, because he has found someone else even though we really loved each other, and I haven’t even come close. I feel like because we didn’t break up because there was anything wrong in our relationship, perhaps there’s a small part of my heart that refuses to let go of the love and memories. I just needed to reach out and get some help from people who can be objective. Do you think I need to get help? Please, if possible, I need some advice and/or reassurance that everything will be alright and that it is possible to love again. All I want is to move on. Please tell me what you think, and your experiences. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013):
Hey, his family though I respect their right to an opinion were very silly... To bust up a relationship over a horoscope . Anyway lets focus on you..
Time does heal, it doesn't though erase what once was.. These memories and feelings you have will deminish some but will never fully go away.. One day you will be able to lock them up and from time to time recall them without feeling distress pain or upset.. Just happy memories of someone whom you loved ..
Love comes when we least expect it .. We love diffirent people for diffirent reasons .. When a relationship fails and we lose love for whatever reason , it's like a death .. It feels like a cold miserable winter, and everything is frozen including our heart.. But with every winter there comes a spring, a time to heal to reflect to lick our wounds.. And with a spring there comes a glorious summer... When our hearts are ready to be open and feel again..
I think you have rushed to much back into dating .. At 26 you are still young .. Take a month or two just for friends and family do not date.. Instead make it your time . Focus on you....
Have a good cry, grieve for what could have Been.. Then my sweet pea go out and find what is to be...
Take care, chin up....walk tall x
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