A
female
age
36-40,
*azed & Confused
writes:Dear Agony Aunts,I've been dating a boy for about two months now. Even though we're just dating, I'm feeling worried. I only date guys whom I see myself being in a long term relationship with. In other words, I don't just date randomly for fun and to pass the time. I like him, but I'm worried that the shadow of his ex will always be around. I don't think he talks to her anymore, but I know that she was a HUGE part of his life. His first and only love I would say. They shared so much in common, and we're complete opposites. I'm not going to lie, I feel insecure. I want to eventually build a relationship with him, but I feel like I will always be in her shadow. I'd rather get out now, instead of invest my feelings into something that will never become strong on its own. Even his friends say he's not over her (they broke up a year and half ago) and he has to constantly repeat that he is. I can say that he's no longer in love with her, but he'll always remember her and might even compare me with her. I CAN'T stand that thought.How can I know if he's over her and can open himself up for another meaningful relationship? I don't want to get hurt...
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female
reader, Dazed & Confused +, writes (28 February 2008):
Dazed & Confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. I am going to talk to him, but maybe after we spend some more time together. I'm pretty sure that if I approached him now, he would feel awkward since we've been dating for such a short time.
But I will ask!
For now, I want to just enjoy his company.
Thanks!
A
female
reader, fearimgoingtoloosehim +, writes (26 February 2008):
hello, well you need to talk to him, sit him down, chances are that he will get defensive, so be very gentle, no accusing him, just talk. Let him know that you need to know how he really feels, no matter what it is that he is feeling. Let him know how all this is making you feel, ask him if he would be happy spending 50 years with you( make sure to mention that you not asking him to, just asking if he would like to) now if he shuts you out more than a few times, refuses to talk about it than i dont think that he cares enough about you for you to waste anymore of your time; there are millions of other people out there millions of them are looking for someone to treat them right,and yes they want someone to treat right themselves. im telling you someone out there want to love you like you have never know someone could love you. Maybe it is the man you are with but maybe that someone is still out there waiting on you and you have got to go out there and find him. I belive that GOD has made us all a soulmate we just have to open our eyes.
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