A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 33 and single. I've probably had an average number of relationships for somebody my age - some were good, some bad and one unfortunately was abusive. The last relationship I had was one of the abusive ones and it took a long time to trust men again after it. I stayed single for a while, then I started dating again a few years ago. I've been dating for a while and have met some nice men, but the whole dating thing just doesn't 'feel right' and it's made me think a lot about my life and what I want and I just honestly feel that I'm much happier being single. I don't like all the hassle of dating and always feel like relationships stress me out - like it's something I 'should be' doing, rather than something I want to be doing. I feel like I kind of 'lose' part of myself when I'm in a relationship. I'm very independent and like my own space and don't like the feeling of being tied down. The thought of getting married scares me and I'm not really into the idea of having kids either (I love kids and dote on my nieces and nephews, I just don't want to be a parent). I just want to have a career, travel, study, play sports, pursue hobbies, enjoy life, etc, but I'm worried that this makes me strange and that I'll get judged by other people. I'm not selfish or a loner - I love my family and friends and have a good social life, but I'm happy as I am. Am I weird or just an individual who knows her own mind? I'm always happy for friends who are getting married or having kids, but I just feel it's not for me. I'm aware that single women in their 30s/40s are generally perceived as a bit sad and pathetic - should I care about this? Will I always be the odd one out if I'm single? Obviously it's easy to say 'don't care what people say and live your own life' but it's hard when you feel like you might be something of a social outcast in the future unless you go down the path of marriage and family life. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015): Oddly enough being the way you are - good by yourself is the single most important perquisite for being with someone else ;)
Maybe you'll meet with some raised eyebrows, but the most important thing is that you're happy.
People judge by their own standards. For most, what you say is unimaginable. That's why they might thing that you need a little push. Maybe they'll try to fix a few dates for you.
You just have to stop caring what other people think. Those close to you will know that this is what you really want.
And it would be good to stay open. Who knows whom you can meet...
Getting over an abusive relationship is hard. Trusting someone again is harder. But not impossible.
You're still young, anything can happen. The decision you made is good and valid... and it may be the one you made for your whole life. But than again, it may not be.
Live your life as it comes and don't worry about what other people think.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): I wish I were like you! I'm completely hopeless when I'm single, I always feel bored on my own and I end up in stupid relationships for far too long just because I don't want to be on my own. You sound very balanced and have a pretty good life. I think it's sad and pathetic when you have to be with somebody or stay in bad relationship because you don't want to be single. I'm like that. Don't feel like you're weird.
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