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anonymous
writes: We love each other but we just can't seem to make it work. My partner and I have terrible arguements where we both end up feeling extremely hurt and offended. These happen every few weeks on average and completely non-constructive. The arguements are triggered by one of us either feeling insecure, getting defensive, or both. They are often not even 'about anything', but we both take these conflicts very seriously and now my partner says he is tired of not getting anywhere and thinks we should break up. I realise i am not without blame, but my partner is extremly underconfident and often takes innocent comments to be criticims. When I then try to explain that that wasn't what i meant, he then says that I am wrong, he knows what i mean. This gets to be so extreme that in arguements he will have already worked out what i think, what i mean, what i will say and how i react before I have even opened my mouth. If i offer an alternative approach to the one he's decided i will take, he will dismiss it, or say he is not going to listen. I find this dismissal offensive and often feel that there is no point in me being there.... he could have an arguement on his own if he's already decided my part in it !He is under a lot of pressure at the moment as he is changing jobs and moving house. He has also been out of his usual social circle for a while. Do you think things can get better? Do you think he will ever stop thinking that he knows me better than i do and will he ever start actually listening to me.... or has it gone too far? Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, oksana, writes (23 February 2005): Hi,Sounds all so familiar...My boyfriend is like that...very insecure... I am a bit different and don't show my feelings the same way, and every little thing makes him feel he doesn't have enough attention. Well, he just left me...last week...At least you still got him. Treasure that and try and think about it before it's too late. My friend said to me the other day - "man are like children and need attention":-)...very true and it works! Wish I realised that before it became too late...
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