A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My capricorn man and i had a fight, he wont take my calls or call me, what should I do?I flipped someone off on Saturday, that cut me off, he got angry at me, saying I should not drive crazy, and should not have done that. We were already feuding because of something else. But he threatened that He would get out of the car and take the bus, if this is the way i was gonna drive. He was already upset because he would not be able to use the car today, I had something to do. So the second time he said he would take the bus, i pulled over, and he got out, so i drove off. I tried calling him, but he would not answer, nor has he called me since. We live together and he hasnt been home since Saturday. We have argued alot recently, over phone numbers I have found, his being irresponsible, Private numbers calling and hanging up when I answer. Staying out late or all night. He is not always this way, he is normally very loving, and sincere. Lately he has changed, and we argue more frequently because he is not working, and has no car or money to handle his responsibilities. I help a lot, and feel taken advantage of at times. he says he loves and wants to marry me, and will never leave me. What should I do?? Do you think he is just angry and will be back, or will he take the opportunity to break things off?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you are right. Seeing him did not make me feel happy, just releived a bit. Strange huh??? I thought kisses and hugs would be what I wanted, but instead, I still felt sad. He had a lot to say, but I found it going in 1 ear and out the other. Like I heard it before. I think I am just gonna watch and see what happens instead of listening. I was afraid I would feel like this, but its his fault. I think you are right about his friend, in fact I know his friend knew where he was the entire time. He did smell awful though. Like he hadnt bathed, and he had not shaved. Looked bad, really bad. Oh Well, he came for the key to go home and clean himself up. I am just watching and not going to say much.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I think that he may have asked his friend to call you ,to test the waters and see if YOU are mad at him or if it's safe to come back home:)
I guess you will just have to wait and see- and stay calm in the meantime. Again, regardless of the age thing, you need to decide if he is really worth for you all the turmoil and anxiety you are going through. Passion is good-but peace of mind is better. Good luck !
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou were right. he is back. Appologizing, and saying he needed to clear his head. He was angry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, well, I am getting the best advice then. Yes there have been changes in all that you mentioned. Honestly, I believe there may be another woman involved. I believe he is trying to decide which is best for him. Once she was angry enough to leave me a message, or messages (about 50), screaming that he was a dog, and that he dropped me off and hung out over there afterwards everyday. He said she wants him but he told her about me and she is just trying to break us up. I believed him, but now I dont know.......Since my last message I got a call from his friend, indicating that he spoke to him about this situation, and that he told his friend, he was tired of being in the streets and would be home today. His friend says he told him he was angry with me, but agreed that we needed to talk. So i dont know, I will just wait and see what happens..... What do you think?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 May 2010):
Guess what ,anonymous reader, -you are talking to an ex "cougar ". :) I have a fair idea about your situation.
may I be brutally honest ?
While I believe that age is just a number, and that feelings have got nothing to do with birth dates- that holds true for solid, tried and tested ,stable relationships. From what you say, yours is still a bit volatile, on shaky grounds, - and I guess is this that makes you feel vulnerable beside just the age difference.
As for him being interested in someone else- you can be the best judge about that. What your gut feelings tell you, and are they supported by evidence ? Changes in moods,in routines,in sexual desire ?...
Let's wait that your boy ends his temper tantrum,-but ,please,before taking him back with open arms, be very very careful. A relationship should make your life better,not worse ! - and that ,whatever the age difference is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCyndy I beleive you are being very sincere and trust me, I feel like u really do understand. Sometimes an outsiders view is just what is needed. Someone un involved with either of us to look at the situation and evaluate it. I feel I need to add something that may be playing a vital role in all this... to give u better understanding from his standpoint. You see I am older. I am 41 and he is 28. Secondly, I am married, but seperated from my husband, and have been for some time now. He has been pushing me to get a divorce, but divorces are expensive and in my case its going to be very extensive, as property and money is involved. We both agreed a long time ago, to just take things day by day, but now he seems like he is torn between something. Perhaps he has someone else he is interested in. Do you think another woman is involved in this?
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 May 2010):
Sorry hun, I know that you are upset and scared and all, but let's try keep things in perspective ok ?
First,please stop blaming yourself for HIS shortcomings. You did not "push him away ". Adults only do what they want to do . I can't "make you suffer " if you don't want to suffer, or "make you run away " if you don't want to run away. Everybody is totally responsible for his/ her thoughts,words and actions.
Second, suppose he was really upset for what you did or said- he is overreacting and behaving in a self -centered,immature way. That's something that you want to consider before resuming your relationship- is there a way
you can work on this-( disappering when there's a proble,rather than solving it ) or would he do it again and again ?
Third- I understand that you are worried sick,believe me, but...he's an adult and you are not his mum. "Where will he sleep, what will he eat ..." It's not like you scolded an 8 y.o. child that then ran away from home. He is a young healthy adult that should be able to take care of himself in a functional way. If he's not- he's not the right mate for you.
All in all ,I'd say that he'll be back with the tail between his legs in a couple of days. Just my guess,of course . But probable. And if he does show up, please think long and hard if you want live through these shenanigans again. Keep us posted ,ok ? Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLast night was hard for me, it was raining, and I slept with his jacket on just so I could get to sleep. I cried and just keep thinking, I pushed to hard, and he is gone. I do push him to get a job, or take care of certain things, and perhaps I have reminded him to often that I feel taken advantage of. I keep blaming myself for this and all the while I keep hoping to hear a knock on the door, or the phone ringing with his voice on the other end. I love him and am willing to work this out. He tells me all the time, whenever we argue, that he is willing to work things out, that he will never leave me, but he has been gone for 4 days now with no call. I am sooo sad and worried, I am sick. I havent eaten and just cry all night long. I know the pain will go away, but I fear that if it goes away, and then he comes back, will I still accept him, and trust him back into my life, or will he come back to be in my life, or just pick up his things. I keep wondering where he is sleeping, has he eaten, is he cold or warm, who he's with is driving me crazy. What can I do??
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 May 2010):
The cynical, world-weary part of me wants to say : he's got no job,no money,no car - you bet he will be back !
But, let's the trusting,optimistic,non judgemental part prevail and assume that there is mutual and sincere love between you.
Often love is not enough for a healthy relationship.
You want to have a hard ,honest look at your relationship, in which there seems to be a lot of drama ,conflict and miscommunication.
What can you actuallly do to change this pattern ? Are you willing and able to change it ? Otherwise, reconciling is pointless because it will only last...till the next argument.
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