A
female
age
41-50,
*oCalSexyD
writes:Im months away from being 30 and for the last two years I've been wanting a baby. I already have 2 girls ages 10 and 12 and I've been with my boyfriend for almost 9 yrs.Ive talked to my boyfriend and he seems to not have a problem with me having his baby. It's me whos scared. I fear that after I have the baby he might leave just like my ex- husband. I know I should'nt compare him to my ex but I dont want to raise another child on my own. What should I do ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): I don't suppose the idea of getting married before purposely having kids is on the table?
Every concern you have basically amounts to asking whether or not he's ready to make a marriage-level committment to you. So why keep avoiding the real point?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): i dont agree with satin desires answer either your definitly not to old to have a nother child and if he is happy with the idea why not, also if he has his name put on the birth certificate (he will have to go with you to get it) he will then also have legal rights and responcibilities to that child
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Sorry, but have to disagree with Satindesire's question about why should you want another baby ...
1. You haven't got a child with him, and if you are in love and have been together for a long while and have a strong relationship, it's perfectly natural you'd want a baby with him.
2. You aren't even 30 yet - so again, totally understandable that you want more children to complete your family. If I was 30 again I would want at least another 4! ; )
You're scared because of how scary it is being on yr own with a child. I know. I have done it, and I am also scared of it happening again - I will put up with almost anything rather than be in that situation again.
However, you are actually in a great position:
1. Your guy has been with you 9 years - you know him well - he has presumably been good with your daughters - he is part of the family. He has no reason to go anywhere, and every reason to stay.
2. You say he doesn't have a problem with having a baby with him.
The only thing holding you back is your own fear. You must explain this to him. I would say something along the lines of:
I love you. I want to be with you and I want to have a baby with you - to have something that is totally ours. You are a great father to my daughters and I want to have our own baby with you.
If he gives all the right signals, I don't think you need to worry at all.
Then you can tell him about yr fears - but as sugar sugar rightly says, it could be that they are totally groundless with him - in which case either you need lots of understanding and reassurance from him, or maybe some counselling to help.
Just talk to him.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (11 March 2009):
 You mention he doesn't have a problem with you having his baby. That wording is a little curious to me. Is he happy about it? Is he looking forward to it?Has he does anything at all that makes you believe he won't stick around and help you raise that child?I think you need to discuss your fears with him, and if he hasn't done anything to trigger these feelings then you should should consider discussing your feelings with a professional.
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