A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been "seeing" a man for almost 8 months. It started as an office flirtation as both of us were going through a divorce. I don't think either of us expected it to go anywhere. We started going to dinners and movies and he introduced me to his two young children. We did sleep together after a while and continued to see each other. We had the talk about 3 months in that he was still going through a very ugly divorce and battle for custody of his children. My divorce wasn't finalzied yet either and i wasn't sure if i wanted a commitment at this point either. We stopped having sex but still continued to enjoy each others company. We were going out least twice a week and i am old enough to know what a date is. When his birthday came around we went out and had a great time, we ended up in bed together where he told me that he couldn't commit to me and i let my pride do the talking and said i wasn't looking for one either but the truth of the matter was I was in love with this man. He did everything for me helped me move, put together my furniture, takes care of my car. Everything you would expect a boyfriend to do without the label of a boyfriend. I was really hurt by him telling me he didn't want to be my boyfriend so i pulled away and started to date other people and forced myself to stop caring about him. We still remained great friends and would go to dinner every once in awhile but not a weekly occurence like before. Come Christmas he asked me to drinks on Christmas eve, we got together the day after Christmas and he asked me to spend New Year's eve with him. By New Years eve we had spent 5 out of 7 days together. New Years eve ended with us back in bed and him telling me he loves me and i am his favorite person in the entire world but he still isn't done with his custody battle and can't make promises but wanted me to know that he really loves me. He must of told me he loved me at least 15 times and i told him i loved him too. He said lets just take things one day at a time. My question is, "is it safe to love him, will he commit once he is done with his custody battle in two months or should i just move on? Do men just tell women they love them or does he really mean it, should I wait for him or am i risking another heartbreak?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 January 2016):
 You need the commitment in order for you to be happy, completely understandable. Does he know how much this means to you? You need to be honest with him, tell him you understand he is going through a tough time at the moment, but also explain to him what you need, tell him you are willing to wait until the custody battle is over, but he needs to assure you that he is worth waiting for and that he will commit to you. Tell him your fears and hopefully he will assure you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, he was sober when he told me he loved me. I guess two more months in the grand scheme of things isn't that much but I'm afraid to let my guard down and I'm not sure it's safe to have feelings for him again. I agree that anyone can say I love you and it's the actions that speak for themselves which is why im not that surprised he told me he loved me because he takes care of me and treats me like he loves me. I want a commitment before I allow myself to fall madly in love with him again. Am I allowed to ask for a commitment after the custody has been settled?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (11 January 2016):
Was he sober when he kept telling you he loves you? At the end of the day, they are only words, he needs to back it up with actions as well or else they are meaningless.
Although he has been honest with you and told you he cannot commit to you until the custody battle is over, I admire him being honest. If it will only be another two months then I suggest take the risk go along with it and see where it goes, however be honest with him and tell him what you need and want before sleeping with him again.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (11 January 2016):
 "Do men just tell women they love them or does he really mean it"
There are men who will say these sorts of things to string the woman along in a pointless relationship, so I see your apprehension about this guy. Even though what you describe looks like one of those situations, I think that you still have a clear time line with this guy: 2 months to settle his legal matters. After that, I would walk away if nothing happens. You may also want to be clear to him about this time line so that he understands that "day at a time" cannot stretch into infinity.
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