A
female
age
51-59,
*arenM
writes:I have been married for 4 years, we have been together for 7. 26 months ago I found out my husband had an affair with a neighbhor. It was short lived but it hurt me terribly, while I wanted to divorce him right then he was truly so distraught by what he'd done I thought he might kill himself. For the past 24 months his life has been an open book for me(cell phone, CC's, bank account) and he has worked 19 months straight with only 10 days off(no thats not a misprint,the business is 24/7 365). He built the business for me(it was my dream)and he used a huge amount of his own money to make it succeed. I know the pressures on hiim have been enormous with the bad economy. He typically works 9-12 hours a day then comes home and cooks dinner for me and the kids 4 nights a week. He does do some housework and he takes care of the outside(4 acres) pretty well. He knew I wanted horses so he tracked down a filly I used to ownand bought her back for me and another to keep her company and then land to put them on. On weekends he gives me my choice of restauraunts or dinner in front of the fire and he constantly surprises me with spontaneous gifts. So whats the problem ? A month ago he fired an employee, pretty 20 something, and she made allegations to me that he had "touched her" and had "come on to her". I searched his phone and found alot of text messages back and forth but they were all business related. (We all work together). I cannot get it out of my mind that he may cheat again and he swears up and down that her comments were based upon being fired and vindictive. I don't want to be worried the rest of my life.
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affair, divorce, money, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): Well, I have been on similar medications, and I know that sometimes they can really help, and other times they can actually make you feel worse. If you are questioning your medication though, then maybe you could speak to the person who prescribed it for you. There may be better alternatives for you out there, if it is needed.
Have you considered seeing a counsellor to talk about this issue with your husband? It might help you to sort some of the things out in your head, because this really does seem to be troubling you. Just a suggestion, sometimes it can be really helpful.
Take care. x
A
female
reader, KarenM +, writes (17 May 2009):
KarenM is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies. When I discovered the affair he did try and cover it up. There was no proof love was involved and it started on a night of drinking. I don't doubt that he loves me, everyday he does something thoughtful or special, and he even offered to sign a legally binding infidelity document awarding me all of his equities in the event he was ever unfaithful again(easy 7 figures) but I just can't seem to get past the original afront and the accusations while unsubstantiated brought me right back to the moment. Since the affair I have been on and off fluoxetine(prozac) and sometimes I wonder if this is a cause for my discontent.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Your husband cheated once, so naturally you are worried that it may happen again.
Your husband sounds great right now, and it sounds like he is doing a lot for you. But are you happy? If generally you are, and it is just this worry getting to you, then maybe you could try explaining to him how concerned you are. But if you are not happy, then it sounds like his affair has had a deep effect.
There is no easy way to answer this really. There are no guarantees that your husband will not cheat again, but the same can be said about anyone. Nobody can know for sure. It depends on whether you are going to let this one bad experience make you lose trust in your husband completely, or whether you are willing to risk your heart and try and have faith in him again.
Have you ever discussed with him why he had an affair, what it was about, things like that? While it might be an unpleasant subject, it might answer some questions about it that may be in your head.
This is a difficult situation for you, but if you love your husband and think you can give him another chance, then I would suggest taking a risk and trying to trust him again. Take care. x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Well unfortunatley you will always have to wonder and worry. It's part of our humanity. Everyone makes mistakes and he sounds truley sorry for his. I don't think he has given youn any reason to not beleive in him right now. Did he admit the affair to you 26 months ago or did you catch him and he denied it? Reason I ask is for your own consideration, if he came clean, you know that his own consciouse doesn't allow him to live with secerets and you can feel even safer knowing that if he does something wrong he is ussually honest with you about it. If you don't think he will be honest about these things well maybe that is the biggest issue for you two. We men our nothing without our awesome women. Why a lot of men are so stupid to cheat when we have a good wife at home is pure foolishness. Most guys do it all the time and dont care. I think your husband cares and made a mistake. He doesnt sound like the type who doesnt care and would be doing it all the time from what you wrote. But what do I know about him? It's a tough one, good luck.
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