A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Have been on and off with a man for the last 6 months, we have been together for little over a year.He kept sporadically breaking up via txt and then he would get lonely and come back to me. Its been like this pattern for quite some time. I am now pregnant and he is acting difficult. Last night, he sent me a txt, saying he wanted to have sex. I got his messages late via the network so he got mad as he thought I had ignored him. Then I got another message come through that said ur loss! I am moving on etc. So I wrote calmly, just got your txts now, come if you want. Then he started saying noo...ur loss! last txt. I replied with lol do I look worried. Its my gain and ur loss! I was getting mad and trying to keep calm. Then he asked for a breakup. I wrote back. Sure! Thanks..totally fine about that..bye bye! cos was so annoyed. Anyway, my question is: will he come back and resolve this with me. He seemed bit emotional. Am 9 wks gone and he has practically deserted me..his ex faked a pregnancy before so I have tried to be understanding about that...since maybe its why he is not good about this news. I am taking care of myself BUT would love to know if others think he will be back..and will he calm down. I dont think I can take any more crap from him. The fact that I agreed with the breakup according to books is apparently a good thing..but is it??
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks...sadly he was supposed to come to the first scan with me tomorrow and would not even answer my txt to either yes or no to making it. My father finds it bizarre that he has not given any answer..surely he would be curious to see the child regardless of the status of our relationship. I don't mind if he is willing to pay child support and if that is the case then of course he can see the child..its only fair to the child...but he is making out like it isn't his as to get out of being around in my life...and that is where my anger and resentment is building. I don't know how to not be annoyed by that..its horrible. He won't even communicate with me. Any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): You mean he wrote to you that he would support the baby with agreed access? Well, I would think he would have to pay you child support, and he does have a right then to see the child, which I think is good for the child, so you will have to come to terms with the fact that he doesn't want to be a part of your life....you will have to find it in yourself to forgive him for the sake of the child and for you, otherwise your anger and resentment will eat you alive.
I would just feel sorry for him, he sounds pretty messed up and I am sorry that you are having to go through this, yes he has been mean and cruel, not very nice at all.
I am glad to hear that your family and friends support you having the baby, that means you will have lots of help when he or she arrives. Please take care of yourself by focusing on you and the baby and forget about him, he isn't worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Rhythm and Blues. I have been trying to get pregnant with this man for the past year. I didn't know that he would lie to me..that in fact, he didn't really want a child..I had even told him don't do this with me if its not what you REALLY want. What bugs me, I don't want to abort just cos he is acting like an asshole nor do I want to adopt. My family and friends understand this and even though its early to do so, that would not be the best option for me. You said I must think of myself and this child and you are right. Fine, he doesn't love me, so why then if he doesn't give a crap about this child did he write to me..am happy to support him/her subject to agreed access? Now he has done a Houdini vanishing act and I find it mean and cruel. I worry that he will make a re-appearance when I go to have the baby which will be detrimental to my health cos am already upset enough at him for disappearing..that is why I said I do not know what to think. I just want the best solution in terms of what to do now...anyway thank you for any advice or anyone else for that matter. I do appreciate it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): IF you want to keep the baby then you would be better off without him around. He is just causing you stress and worry and that is not what you need while pregnant.
You don't know what to think? He is more than hot and cold he is using you and not even being nice to you. Do you really want this child to be brought up in a home where his father is not around or treats his or her mom with disrespect and disdain? He doesn't love you. This is no reflection about you, he is just an irresponsible jerk it sounds like to me. And worse he doesn't care about anyone but himself, not even his unborn child.
You can do sooo much better. And I don't mean to pry, but why do you want a baby so badly if you are single and on your own? Is it because you lost the last baby? I am sure that was extremely hard for you, I can't even imagine, but don't you think it would be possible for you to have a child after you get married to a man who wants you and make a family with you? I guess that is a moot point now that you are pregnant, but it is still early enough to terminate if you have to, or to make arranagements for adoption to a couple who is ready for a baby. It is your decision, I just hope you think about realistically how this is going to affect the rest of your life and your parent's lives or whomever will be helping you take care of the child, what is best for everyone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not settling for bad treatment as such and that is why I told him bye bye! Cos I wanted him to see he can't get away with treating me like that. I want to bring the child into this world and I hope to. I fear all of that cos my last baby died 2 years ago. I don't even mind to bring it up alone. I am just sad at what happens and if anything I thought he would be there for me more. He keeps blowing hot and cold about it. I don't know what to think as a consequence.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): This does not sound like a relationship, it seems more like an arrangement.
This guy is a moron, he obviously doesn't care about anyone but himself from his actions. A man rarely turns down a woman he is in love with. A man does not go on again off again for 6 months with a woman he is in love with.
Why are you setling for this bad treatment? He keeps coming back because you let him, but he doesn't really care...here you are pregnant with his child and he is deserting you by text even. What is it about that that you don't understand?
I hope you think long and hard about bringing this child into the world, into this relationship and whether or not you are prepared to raise it on your own, alone.
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