| A
female
age
30-35,
*ealousy007
writes: This is a bit of a long story, but I'd really like some advice. I am interested in someone who is older than me and I know for a fact that he is interested in me as well. I asked him recently how many sexual partners he has had, and his answer was "3, I guess" (I am not actually sure if this means he has had sex with 3 people, but I don't think I could handle the answer if it's that he has.)I've had talks with him about how I'm worried I won't compare or won't be good, and he told me I really don't have to worry. I also told him that it seemed like because it would be new to me, sex would be very special for me and not for him. I asked him if it would however be special for him and he replied "Every time." I know he cares for me, he's told me that there is a very big chance that he will fall in love with me (he has only been truely in love romantically once) but it's just like this dull pain whenever I think about how while I have my whole heart to give (I am a virgin and I've never been in love before), he doesn't.I've told myself that this is good, it means he won't wonder as much about what it's like with other girls. It's not really the fact that I have to compare to them, as I've been reassured not to worry about that, it's more just the fact that he's been so intimate with others. So at one point, the feelings he felt for me he felt for someone else as well. I really shouldn't care, but that hurts.Basically, any suggestions for getting over this? Will time just make it better? Also, I am definitely interested in someday having sexual encounters with him. Will doing this make my hurt worse? I know I'm not ready now, but how do you know when you are ready? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, smitheroon  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 I remember being your age and having this total emotional trauma when I realized that my boyfriend had (gasp) not only kissed other girls, but liked other girls, had sex with other girls, and even talked to other girls. Jealousy is natural to an extent - but you're really going too far.
I'm going to break this to you now - sex is not the same to men that it is to women. Women get the same hormone release as when a mother breastfeeds - it's a hormone that makes us want to connect, bind, and take care of something. So, we get attached. Men do NOT get this hormone. THEY get tired or fall asleep or leave or go make a sandwich. It doesn't mean they don't love it, it's just not this huge deal that we make into some kind of fairytale.
Doesn't mean you should go having sex like crazy with everybody. :) Take it easy, ok? You're normal and you need to work to move past this. This guy will not be your first or last sexual partner. And newsflash... he probably won't be the best guy you've slept with. The best guy I've slept with was with like over 100 women. Wow, talk about experience being a plus. (haha)
Bottom line - relax! Have sex when YOU want to have sex. DON'T be jealous. Do you want him being jealous that you've had other crushes or fantasies about other guys? No! It's none of his business!! Respect yourself and your privacy and your space and respect his as well.
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