A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my new boyfriend for about a month and I think he's incredible. The only problem I can see is that he (and everyone else) thinks I'm way out of his league. Can something like that cause problems down the track? The guys I usually go out with are highly successful, smart, hollywood-looking types but they always turn out to be jealous, possessive and far more insecure than you would expect someone so typically attractive to be. So I'm now worried about how my average-looking guy (who I'm far more attracted to than any other) might be feeling and how I can help his confidence. I compliment him a lot but then whenever he introduces me to anyone he knows, they always tease him quite a lot and say things like 'how'd you get someone like her?' or 'how much you paying her?' I guess that stuff will die down, but I really don't like him thinking I'm better than him somehow. He jokes about me coming to my senses one day and leaving him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): "'how much you paying her?" I would have found that highly offensive. You're a person just like everyone else and don't deserve to be judged by your looks more than anyone does. Just needed to get that said, it's offensive being treated like a "thing" that can be bought.
No this wont become a problem down the road. The only way it can be a problem is if you or him start taking this "difference" seriously. What you need to realize though is that if everyone else around you didn't say a thing and people didn't place others in a hierarchy based on looks... You wouldn't have even thought of asking this question.
You might look great, and yay for that, but he looks great too as you said. You are very attracted to him. And he is attracted to you. Thats perfect! Of course there's no problem with that!
In fact, the other men you dated were below your "league", they were jealous, possessive etc. Perhaps you found someone in the league just for you right now in this man.
A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (11 December 2009):
 Funny thing is... EVERYONE is insecure. Fat and ugly people are insecure because they aren't average. Average people are insecure because they aren't models. Models are insecure because they aren't perfect. What matters is not what he looks like, but how he thinks YOU feel about how he looks. (Did that sentence make sense?)
If you're complimentary to him, reassuring, and give some good body language that you're really attracted to him (grabbing onto his arm in public, or leaning against him on a couch, or generally being physically clingy), he should come to trust that in time. But in the beginning, he's GOING to wonder how he caught the eye of someone that's out of his league.
I dated a good looking girl before and it took me a while to realize she was being HONEST when she said she found me attractive... but she never gave me any hint that she didn't mean it. Her words, her actions, her voice tone, her nonverbal clues, all acted like she really did like me. In time, I came to trust it and trust her.
Just be patient with the guy.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 December 2009):
Guys joke around like that with each other all the time. I remember when I met one of my dad's friends that he works with, and he said, "I take it she must get her looks from her mother?" My dad, back in his day was a very attractive man, now he's looking a bit old, but whatever. All it is, is a compliment to you but at his expense. I'm sure it hurts his feelings a tad, but I'm sure that he's very happy that he has someone like you. When he says those things to you, he probably wants some reassurance from you but that's about it. As long as you're attracted to one another and make each other happy that's all that matters and shouldn't be a problem in the future unless he's extremely insecure, which doesn't really sound like it. Probably just about as insecure as any normal person would be, I wouldn't worry about it too much.
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