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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ok here is my story. This may be a long story but PLEASE help me! (background info, i'm 21) I guess I will begin about a year and a half ago I began dating this guy who we will refer to as B. We dated for about 2 months and everything was going great... we has such great chemistry and i was very attracted to him. i thought he was the one. Then,there was a terrible tragic death in his family and he was changed. To make that long story short, our relationship changed. We hadn't been dating for relatively long and so when he started being a totally different person I tried to be there for him in his grief, but I couldnt take it because he really did treat me badly. I cared a lot for him but we decided to break up about 2 months after the death of his family member. I was devastated when we broke up, which was unusual because i have had other very long term relationships go sour and I typically am decent about it. I shortly started dating another man, whom I will refer to as J. J was slightly older and very charming and quickly cheered me up from B. We fell in love pretty quickly, I was very surprised. We had a perfect relationship until about 6 months later when I ran into B at a bar while I was out with J. B pulled me aside and told me he loved me, which he never said in the 4 months that we dated. I was completely floored by this and although I thought that I was happy with J, just the mention of B possibly still wanting me affected me. But I was so angry with B for letting me go still. I slowly kept in touch with B over the next couple of months, pretty innocently at first. Slowly I began to forgive him for him letting me go. Things progressed with him, and I officially forgave him for letting me go and told him that I was in love with him too. I began to see B on the side. It was then that I was in a huge predicament. For a short time I was in love with both of them. Then my feelings for J were just gone and I felt completely happy with B. I tried for 2 months to break up with J so that I could be with B. I just couldn't bring myself to do it because J really was such a nice and perfect guy and I had "done him wrong." However I kept B perfectly in the know about everything and continued to make out with both of them. I never had sex, I was a virgin. After two months I broke up with J but still couldn't tell him anything about B. I started dating B officially a day after I broke up with J. B really did make me happy and I never regretted the decision to be with him. I never blamed him for pressuring me to leave J because he really never did. However, I felt so insanely guilty about J and the cheating. I kept in contact with J after our break up and still never could bring myself to tell him about B. I also made the decision to lose my virgity to B because I was truly in love with him. J and I continued to talk and I felt so guilty always about my cheating with B. I still cared about J but I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with B and i was sure of it. However I would hang out with J and he would try to be romantic with me again because he didnt know that I was seeing B and i lied to him about seeing anyone during this time. This situation progressed and I cheated on B with J a few times and continued to talk with J. I lied to B about talking with J. I lied to J about everything with B. I carried on this situation for two months, all the while truly being happy with B but lying to him about J. And talking and kissing with J but lying to him about B. Then everything blew up in my face and J found out about B and called B to tell him I had been cheating on him. I am absolutely devastated. I know that what I did was completely wrong. I truly still want to be with B and just want to know if he will ever be able to trust me after I lied to him so many times about J. I know that I completely screwed over J but I just don't care. All that I care about is getting B back in my life and making us work again. Will he ever trust me? I know this is very long and I probably need to add more details for an accurate answer but I will do as needed. PLEASE HELP ME. I am so broken hearted.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLilly223, thank you so much for your help. I found your advice to be straight to the point and incredibly helpful. I would like to reinforce that I am devastated over this issue and truly am committed to restoring B's trust in me
over time.
Just an update... I think that B and I are working towards solving this ordeal and I am incredibly grateful for the chance.
To anyone who is reading this.... do not lie to the ones that you love... IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
I truly have learned my lesson and know that I will never put him in this position again.
If you have any further advice on where to go from here... I definately need it!
Again Lilly.... THANK YOU!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): Why you are worrying too much? Tell both that you love both of them or enjoy the relationship with both of them
and you lost verginity by "B".Most of men endear woman/wife very much who enjoys two husbunds.I am likely sure that both of them would start feeling that they like and accept each other because of you with the aim of making you happy and enjoying the attained happiness and making
know how good being unselfish for the sake of your happiness and enjoyment.
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A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 Girlfriend you got yourself in a big mess. I have answered a question similar to this recently and I will tell you the same thing that I told the other girl that cheated. No, he probably won't forgive you any time soon, he may try to, and if he does that is his decision to do so. But DO NOT expect him to forget it. When you were dishonest with him and cheated you decided that you wanted to end the relationship with B, whether it was intentional or not. That is the message you send to someone when you cheat. If you even want to stand a chance getting back with B you will basically have to sign a contract saying I promise to live the rest of our relationship under a huge cloud of suspicion, I promise to be on my best behavior at all times and I will never gaze at another man in B presence. IF that is something you can DO, and are willing to DO IT for a very long long time... sure, ask B if you can have a second change. Honestly, you would be better off ending the relationship, accepting the fact that you screwed up and hurt him badly and learn your lesson. Don't cheat, don't lie, in NEVER pays.
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