A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello my questions is about my dating history. I have a few boyfriends in the past. I have noticed that men like to chase women they like women who are hard to get. For some reason I don't why men don't chase me. I have to make all the moves in the past. I even back off and let them lead but they lose interest or say that they think I have lost interest. I have a great spirit, smile, conversation, and I feel I'm cute and interesting. I have watched men go nuts over women ( not me). I make sure not to come across needy or overly excited but I haven't met a guy to go nuts over me yet? I have seen friends have guys buy them nice gifts, take them places or send them cute text just because. My past boyfriends have told me I'm so sweet, nice but they have never treated like they were crazy about me. I worry that a guy won't see me as "special" I try to be myself but I guess that might not be good enough?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): Women what kind of stupid talk is this? You don't feel like you are good enough for a man for a date and a full relationship? This is bullshit. Where did you get these ideas from? Good God, woman you are special because there is only you. Only one of you. That in itself is very special. Don't beat yourself up. Just don't. Stop it right now. Look at your present hobbies and interests. Review them. Don't think your going to meet that special man or vice versa in a social scene like a club or a bar. To my latest knowledge, the permanent relationships rarely develop in this setting. Take a look at various social agencies and clubs in your community that will introduce you to different kind of people. Both men and women. Yes women also. A new girlfriend may bring networking opportunities to meet single eligible men. I worked with habitat for humanity. And what is good about this organization is that it requires so many different people with different talents to build a home. Yes even today the skill trades are male dominated. You don't know who and what you will meet. If you can move a rack or swing a hammer or hang stuff on the walls this organization will be more than happy with your help. Look at the different sports out there where you can meet and develop relationships. Be yourself, be open, be kind and a good listener. I don't know any single man that wont be attracted to this. When you talk with a man or woman show a genuine smile and make eye contact. Show you are sincere and honest. Truly be yourself. Take a look at yourself and look at spending some money on a minor or major make over that will bring out your natural features. Don't over do it. The good make over places will do just what you need. Look at your wardrobe make changes accordingly where and when necessary. Step out of your comfort zone. Don't be afraid to make the first hand shake or the first great when coming upon somebody you don't know. Again be sincere and through a small smile. I am sure that this will help. Never ever forget that you are special. Good- luck.... Your knight in shining armour is not far away.....xoxoxo
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (2 May 2013):
 Unfortunately, from your post, you don't really give us too many clues to work off of in regards why guys aren't going for you. Normally, most men complain that they have a hard time finding a date or someone to connect with.
Here are my suggestions, which may or may not apply to you:
1) If many of your friends are male, you may be considered taken already. Many potential suitors may feel they will have too much competition or will be intimidated approaching you because they assume you are already taken.
2) You may be trying too hard to be friends. Be sure that your intentions are to find a boyfriend, not another playmate. Guys may see you as "one of them" and not see you as a potential romantic partner.
3) There is a fine line between sending out encouraging hints to guys to coming off as desperate. If men see you as your "biological clock is ticking" they will run for the hills. Believe me, most guys will jump at that opportunity to date a pretty / intelligent woman, but they will run for cover if they think you are in a rush to get them to commit.
4) Be interesting. Have hobbies, be well-read, take care of yourself, look and act like you are worth investing time into. If you are a human "cling on" you will come off as obsequious, desperate and boring. Have a passion for life and be exciting.
5) Ask your friends or a trusted guy friend for an appraisal. Maybe there is something you might be doing or a flaw that you haven't considered that is a turn-off. Check how you carry yourself and how you dress.
6) Be sure that you aren't always hanging around in shady places. If you are bar-hopping queen, you may be perceived as a party animal and not a good candidate for a long-term relationship. I am not saying going to clubs / bars is a bad thing, but if that is your hobby, it could be a turn off.
Finally, don't be too hard on yourself. The dating / single-life is never easy. Solid, life-long connections don't happen every day and what you are experiencing could just be the normal pains of finding that romantic connection. Trust me, your time will come and the right guy will make his appearance -- just be patient and don't let it bring you down.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 May 2013):
 Unfortunately, you've fallen into an all-too-common trap in your thought process, where you hope that a guy will see you as special in order for you to feel special.
In fact, it's most emphatically the other way around. You have to see yourself as special first. You have to esteem yourself as good enough, smart enough, worthy enough without ever needing the outward assurance of a guy treating you that way.
Once you know inside you're good enough, and that you're someone special, you won't need to ever worry about resorting to archaic games of "hard to get" in order to spark a guy's attention. As a whole person with the charisma unique to someone of confidence and accomplishment, that's a natural attracting attribute. Attraction goes beyond looks.
Instead of worrying about what to do to get a guy to see you as special, work on yourself, your self-image, your self-awareness, and improvement. This isn't cat and mouse, so getting a guy to "chase" you doesn't play into it. The goal is to get into a mutual relationship where both of you get to know each other, not someone doing all the chasing while the other one feigns indifference.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2013):
Have you heard the term ' kiss a few toads before you met Prince Charming ' ? Some people are lucky they met the one straight away, some have to be patient wait it out a little..
Keep being you. And the right person will fall head and heels until then join the gym, go clubbing, pubbing, girls night out, cinema, etc. learn the art of eye flirting, it's fun free and do it with any attractive male. Lol but be coy don't hold their gaze to long, shield your eyes with your lashes. Peeking from under them . Give half smiles that say come make me grin if you dare .. Most of have fun ..
Take care sweetie.
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