A
female
age
41-50,
*9agegap
writes:As you can tell from my nickname, there is a 19 year age gap between myself (25) and the guy I'm currently seeing (44). I have been reading the forum, and there are many people with similar 'issue' as me. It seems like there are 2 schools of thought1. Age doesn't matter as long as 2 people are in love (many happy examples with this)2. Age matters in 10, 20 years. When I'm a (hopefully youthful) 40, he'll be 60. When I'm 60, he's 80...and there's a high possibility that I will live my retirement alone. - again, some people might argue that you never know whether you will die tomorrow or notI wonder if anyone has any real-life stories of happy/bad endings? Were there any younger wives that regretted the decisions? Were there any younger girlfriends who decided to break it off and date younger guys? How did that end up?And honestly, is a 19 year age gap too big? He was my ex-boss, a very capable and successful guy, yet kind and generous to everyone. He was a former sailor, did loads of rock climbing and is generally fit and healthy...that is when he's still 44. You never know what will happen when he hits 50..60...Thanks in advance
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (3 June 2007):
Oh no, he wasnt was he. Are you ok, how was he playing with you ? Are you ok ? What happened ?
A
female
reader, 19agegap +, writes (1 June 2007):
19agegap is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni discovered that no matter what a guy appears to be, no matter what his age is, he will always be a jerk. this guy was playing with me all along.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007): I was surfing the web in hopes to find insight to my situation, which is quite similar to yours... except i have a 27 year age difference!
I'm 21 and I had began dating a man (still married) as a typical sugar daddy realtionship. After only one or two dates, however, our relationship became much more than that. I'm a smart girl, a college graduate persuing medical school (clearly not the gold-digger type, but just looking for some out-of-the-box excitement) and he is a very sucessful, attractive older guy with a great life and great career. As his marriage headed for divorce and I grew sick of the college guy scene, we crossed paths and I can honestly say its been the absolute best relationship I have ever been in. While he's mature and established, he is probably the smartest, funniest, most fun guy I've ever met in my life let alone dated. As the months went on and our relationship grew, I've become more and more used to the age difference. Though it may look unacceptable from the outside, I think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I've never been happier. And after all.... if you feel bad about your age difference, just take a look at Hugh Heffner, 82, and his current girlfriends, 21 - 27. It kinda puts our situations into perspective!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): Personally, I think that's too big of an age gap, but whatever floats your boat. =) As long as you are happy with it and that you aren't breaking up anyone else's marriage or doing something that's morally wrong.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (24 May 2007):
Also, i know a couple with 25 years diffrence, there marriage has lasted and i know they will never divorce.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (24 May 2007):
Well i feel like that and my boyfriend is the same age, so i dont think that feeling of ''not sure if its worth it'' is about the age diffrence. I think you should focus on having a good time, i think if the age gap is a problem it will show up soon enough.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Yes, EVERY relationship goes through periods like that. You may love them forever, but you will not like them all the time. That is why you make a committment to the relationship, not the other person. Get the difference?
-Frank B Kermit
franktalks.com
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A
female
reader, 19agegap +, writes (23 May 2007):
19agegap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. Have you gone through periods of ups and downs, aka uncertainties? Like sometimes you feel that you really like him, yet other times you feel that it's not worth it. How did you manage to get through these periods?
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (23 May 2007):
I know guys in their 50s that date women in their 20s, so the age thing is not an issue for that.
There are only three things you seriously need to discuss.
1-Children, if you are planning to have any together, then factor in the age you are both going to be when these kids reach teenage level and need lots of energy and attention from you both. Will you both be capable? Charlie Chaplin fathered a child as a senior...but what kind of parent did he make for that child beyond financial considerations.
2-It is not your committment to the other person...it is your committment to the relationship that matters.
3-Does he have children from previous relationships? If so, he better make sure that they are agreeable with whatever arrangment the two of you create. Legally you can make trouble for them, and they for you. Do not get married until he writes his will, and his kids have a say in this.
The oldest age gaps I know of for long term relationships, the produced children and are still on going include 10 years, 12 years, and 15 years. They struggle with the same issue of the older one fighting the urge to be the parent of the younger one, but they all make it work. Hope this inspires you.
-FBK
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (22 May 2007):
I dont think you should worry about your retirement. You are thinking about this as a lifelong relationship and you might not even be together that long. But if you are i think you will come to a solution together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): People talk about being in love all the time ( I read about it on this website) yet they squander it by being unfaithful, selfish and hurtful. A lot of people also believe partners who say they love them even though they treat them badly or are unfaithful. If you have found a really good man and a big love, keep him and be happy. Clear up the issue of having children or not and you will be a long way forward - that issue is a real one for you.
Real love does not walk by many times in life and for some it never does. You just need to recognise whether this is that important or not. If it is not you may resent him ageing before you, later on. If you love him deeply ageing won't matter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): Hi - my husband is 14 years older. He was my ex-boss too! We got married last year after seeing eachother for about 3 years. Occasionally it's difficult, and people sometimes make comments (so... is that your Dad?). My friends don't get what I see in him, and some people have implied that he's a sort of 'sugar daddy' figure who supports me, which is not true. We shrug off that stuff though.
For me, the only serious issue we've discovered (apart from the fact that he has some fertility issues and we are having to go down the IVF route - beware of this if you don't have kids in the next 4-5 years!) is that as he gets older (he's now 52) he has become a bit more nostalgic for his childhood memories etc - and obviously I can't remember as far back! For example, the music I get nostalgic for was in the 80s, whereas his was late 60s, early 70s. This is sometimes quite alienating for both of us, and he has a lot of female friends his own age with whom he shares those memories. However, luckily for him, I was raised by older parents so I have more 'similar' memories than someone my age who wasn't.
Apart from this, he keeps himself fit, and as long as he does this we should have no problems. Hopefully. I try not to think about the very long-term stuff because I would hate to lose him.
Good luck!
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