A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife wants to sleep with another man and wants my consent.I have always been faithful to my wife, but we have on a few occasions fallen out rather dramatically over suspected cheating on my part. It's always been the case that she found out herself that i was not cheating, but it eroded her trust in me for a few months. We have been married three years now, have been together for 6 years, and I still love her as much as i did before we married. The trust we now share in each other is at a peak and, until now, things i thought had become stable in our relationship. We have a 3yr old daughter too, and this i think has helped bring us together as a family unit, but it also complicates things slightly with the matter in hand. We've never been an overly social couple but have a small network of friends beginning after moving to a new area to follow my job in the military. My wife and I had never really had any major, let alone sexual, relationships with others before we met, and so she's told me that she feels like she's missed out on the experimentation and casual relationships of her early to late teens that her friends around her at the time were having.Having started at a gym as a personal trainer and fitness instructor, she's become very attracted to a certain male trainer she works alongside. Since her first week working there, i've noticed her change from the happy, day-dreamy, loving, close-contact person she was to one who's distant and always daydreaming about what could happen with this guy. Our sexual encounters, even intimate cuddles and the likes, have plateaued to an all time low.The matter came to a head when she came home upset after work one evening and i'd talked her into sharing her troubles with me to see if i could help. She told me about her feelings for the colleague and said that she doesn't know what it is that's attracting her to him. However, she did say that having me as her only sexual partner made her feel she'd missed a lot out in life and wanted an opportunity to "fill in the gaps" and experience a sexual relationship with another man.Loving her as i do, i understood her feelings as there was a point in our relationship where I too felt like I'd rushed into settling down too quickly, however now i feel the total opposite and do not want to see the stability we've attained destroyed with her seeking satisfaction, be it sexual or experimental, elsewhere.She’s being very open with me about this and wants my consent. I know she loves me. If we didn’t love each other so much we would have broken up long ago over the past disagreements we've had....I feel that i can trust her not to encroach the very fine line of trust and deception and so like to talk to her about her feelings and have encouraged them once, yet i cant help but feel that if i let her follow the lust for him that she will follow it to a higher level and leave the marriage behind.Am I right to encourage her only to see her hurt and pick up the pieces if/when he rejects her advances, or should i pay close attention to her attempts at flirting with him and force her to forget her feelings and instead have her reject me as being a controlling husband?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): I was married and I knew my wife was having affairs. I'm not exactly sure how she started, but once I knew, I found I could not sleep with her any more. I could not make love without wondering who she might have been with the night before. In the end she divorced me for my unreasonable behaviour for not giving her enough attention !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): Well said the last person, you are right would your wife be so keen to let you go away with some gorgous babe, tell her no problem as long as you have equal rights, fairs fair is it not. See how she acts when you walk out the door dressed like a star, knowing you are away to have a night of pleasure.If she wants to be open then she has to take her equal share of watching your child while you go out having sex too.When she wakes up to you snoring and can smell sweet perfume in her bed and not recognise it as her own, bet then she will lie awake all night wondering how much you have enjoyed your night, go for it and give her the offer, whats good for you and your experiance is also good for me to experiance. Good Luck if she won't play then find a new and loyal friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): So... if you say yes, will she reciprocate the favor and let you do the woman of your choosing? I know you've seen some little hottie you've been wanting to get with, if it weren't for the fact that you're a good man who didn't (until now) think of stepping outside the marriage.
Look, fair's fair. If she's talking about opening up the marriage, then that goes both ways... does she get that? If not, you should tell her that that's the only condition you'll say yes. Otherwise its just not fair. People have done open marriages, but the door on that swings both ways. Maybe you need to start lookiing around at a hot babe you wouldn't mind getting with, if only for just one night.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): You are so young to have to put up with such unreasonable requests,you have a young child to bring up in the world.Do not allow yourself to be treated with such disrespect you have a lifetime to meet someone who TRUELY loves you. True love means making sacafrices for each other and being truthfull and honest, go find a girl who respects and loves you and wants to have sex with you and not just any opportunity that comes her way.Walk alone with pride or together with guilt, hurt ,shame and dishonesty. I know what I would choose
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): She is crossing the line between fantasy and reality that is very dangerous,fantasy rarely lives upto reality and do you think this trainer will treat her with the respect you have for her,will he just enjoy having your wife as another bit on the side can you cope with looking at your wife knowing she is someone else's bit on the side,will you ever be able to be the same with her knowing she is away out the door dressed all sexually, your favourite perfume on,new sexy underwear on, how do you learn to live with her coming in smelling of the scents, sweat and fluids of another man wondering if he has screwed her in ways she hasn't before, yes this may enhance your sex life but it may also ruin it as you will wonder if he has been rough or gentle has he abused her knowing that she has to let go with him to impress,will you feel good enough ever again.Tell her to keep things to fantasies then if she want's she can playrole these fantasies with you, she can do anything she desires with you you won't be shocked.But when fantasy come into real life then thats when real troubles begin.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): I say go it alone bring your child up as a single parent knowing that at least you have pride in yourself and your child. Do you want your child to wonder where their mother has went off to at night or where she is in the morning.If she wants to enhance her sexual experiances she should have thought about it long before now.Would you be able to sit in at night knowing she was with another man, do you want to be faced with sitting with your child while she is away having sex with other men, what do you say when she comes home, did you have a nice evening babe,do you kiss and touch her because you feel like being close or are just plain horny knowing as others say she has just been penatrated by another man,find a woman who want's you and you alone that is love, sex is fantastic in a loving relationship but playing the field especially in a relationship will open up a massive can of worms.Tell her its you or others if she wants to be a s--t then not when she is with you and your child. She and you have choices to make don't let her use you, let her go and be used by men who just want a woman for sex not the whole round person..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): Don't let her do that! This is Insane! Dude, you need to be a man and guard your marriage ... If u really do love ur wife!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): Recently, I had a chance to talk with a friend about a similar topic. Since I do not believe in 'caging' my lover, nor disallowing her to do anything I did not agree with, I would leave the decision up to her KNOWING that the chance for her to leave me would be quite high. If she did indeed leave me, then it simply meant my relationship with her wasn't solid. I would be heart broken no doubt, but I would not blame her for it, especially if I knew beforehand that our relationship has had quite a bit of issues.
Ultimately, like you mentioned, you can either cage her and allow her to resent you over time or you let her go and see if she comes back. Know that this will continue to go on. Are you willing to lie in bed with your wife, knowing that tomorrow and all the days after, she will have another man penetrate her. Who's name will she call when she orgasms? Yours or his?
You're in a dilemma no doubt, but if I were you, I would have let her go and decide that I would be a single father, instead of a husband for her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): You are truly an understanding man by far.
You are truly in a terrible situation. I am a woman that has been brought up in a very strict family household so I understand the feelings she has by having missed out. I say the same thing to my husband about wishing that I had more sexual experiences. Just wanted you to know that it dosn't mean she does not love you, and by your question I am sure she knows how much she is loved by you. So even 'if' she strays she's risking losing all of that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): HI,
I understand the attraction, you always want what you can't have.
I guess you have to ask yourself what an affair in your marriage will actually do to your marriage. Are you prepared to let her do this, and then deal with the consequences? She isn't really thinking about that, I think she is thinking about revenge for your supposed affair. You don't really elaborate on that, but it seems like you were cheating on her, albeit in a different way (ie, not sexually).
I think before she does this, possibly you both could ask for a "time out" in your marriage. Do you really think you can handle her sleeping with another man? What happens if she falls in love with him, and wants a divorce from you?
I think you are walking on thin ice with this one.
Good luck.
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