A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife thinks I'm cheating on her with my secretary (who's quite good-looking but can't tell my wife that). This started when my wife met her and saw me check her out, she ask me why would hire someone who's a lot more attentive than she is. I didn't really know how to answer it without looking like a jerk so I change the topic to something else. Me and my secretary only work related stuff and that's all but my wife still gets suspicious. Since her work building very to mine she comes to give lunch with me very often. At home is worse she goes through my emails and phone constantly (caught her a few times). It really doesn't help that she was cheated on by her last boyfriend and I don't think she got over it completely. I can't take it anymore. Help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): i think you need to be aware of what your wife is feeling, although she is unjustified. you still need to shower her with love and affection, now more so and try to put yourself in her shoes. she hires a drop dead gorgeous male and you think she is having him for lunch??? irrational thought sbut in reality not so.
we read/ hear of affairs bet bosses/staff and bet colleagues that is is a common occurance. so she is also wondering whether you are also indulging. as long as she is not too obsessive then its ok. if she goes overboard then you need to tell her firmly that you are not interested in your secretary.
so, your wife noticed that you were checking out the talent in your office? well you wouldn't be in this position if you were not checking out the secretary like a bitch on heat, now would you. you are a man, you hired a very attractive girl, your wife noticed that little something as you watched your secretary. and being the good wife that she is - addressed it. and still being the good wife she is, she is making sure you do not mess around. in fact, she suspects a potential threat in her marriage and she is protecting it for all her worth. good women, that wife of yours. wish more wives were like her. SHE IS PROTECTING WHAT IS HERS. and rightly so.
by the way, did you only hire the secretary for her good looks or can she type as well? just asking.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): IMO, you should respect your wife's feelings and somehow not be around a woman that she feels uncomfortable with. I'd actually change my workplace so I can work elsewhere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): ok playing devils advocate here.... but being the jealous type due to my man cheating on me I understand how your wife feels.
the only thing that helped me was when he said go ahead LOOK... so I did, and did--- and did and (the beat goes on)... until I realized that there was nothing there... I was looking and spending all that time looking and finding nothing...
ahhh but---this did not occur until he let me do this... before hand he would delete his history and get all freaked out if i went towards his phone.. now, I understand its privacy and we all derserve that. but coming from the other side sometimes its something we have to prove to ourself. If I feel like your hiding something or you don't want me to see it,, well thats going to raise my non realistic flags.
it wasn't until it was open to me that I realized that I could trust him...
my point is your married and I understand this but, ya have seen each other in your b-day suits so being private about things that are trival is kinda past don't ya think?
let the woman snoop and give her out right permission! It proves you are hiding nothing and want her in every part of your life... (once she realizes how boring it is she will stop --lol jk)
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A
female
reader, lavish  +, writes (15 June 2009):
Sorry I’m no help! I’ve been accused of cheating too… I dislike those who are insecure. No trust, they have baggage and you can’t do anything about it because they refused to leave those baggages behind. *sigh*
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Explain to her that she should trust you and the life you two have now and she needs to stop putting her past in your present. If she can't trust you then she should just leave because a life like this isn't worth living for.
If its reaching this point where you can't take it, then maybe your wife is in fact cheating on YOU.
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