A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is me and my wifes 2nd marriage, we've been together 22 years. married 13. when we met i was unfaithful, a couple of times freshly out of my first marriage by 3-5 months, kept going back sex only.\ now those transgressions are here was of 5 years ag.since then shes been withdrawing slowly first angry then less sex now absolutely no kissing. she expresses feelings in bed like shes disgusted with me. when we try and talk about our issues she feels its futile and always looks away or to the ground, she has difficulty looking at me. Why can't she look at me and always look away? Which brings me to now, shes said many times lets sign papers but when we start looking up lawyers the emotions begin and anger subsides for a lil bit on her part. Ive asked her if shes seeing someone else but says NO. I dont know if i believe her. No I dont believe her. Ive asked her to look into my eyes and tell me to pack and leave. she says she can't or Im not ready for that. Just wants space. Space thats been there for over 3-4 years. Im getting sick to my stomach and dont know what to do. I love her want her back. But this is really wearing on me. I have told her, we live in Oklahoma. that when I leave it will be to another STATE since my family lives in Texas and West Coast. Dont know where I will go BUT I know and she knows I wilL not Be here with in 2-3 months of me moving out. I think thats a big issue since she wants me close to our 18 year old. the last of 6 kids the baby. I told her she can have the house I want nothing she can keep it only 5 years left on it. I just want a clean slate. She said last time we argued she wants to see a attorney to see in she can control where i go and maybe financial support. she is employed commission for the last 10 years. Im commission too. I dont know Im going crazy. Should I leave or Wait? Confused and nauseous.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2013): i'd advise you both to speak to a marriage guidance counsellor asap, before any lawyers, to see what on earth has gone wrong and obtain closure if indeed this relationship is ending (sounds like it is over tbh).
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 March 2013):
There comes a time for many people where it just doesn't make any sense to be married any longer. The kids are grown, you haven't been happy in YEARS...
I'd say you've reached that point. YOU need to go see a lawyer. Get it all off your chest. She's not entitled to child support any longer, and, depending on your income difference, may not be entitled to much spousal support either. She certainly can't tell you where to live.
Starting over is a great idea. Imaging being FREE; no worries and maybe even someone that treats you like a lover, not just a habit that they want to quit.
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A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (22 March 2013):
 I think your wife is afraid to let go of you and the security she has had within marriage. This is hers, and your, second marriage and she's obviously worried that things are not working out again for her. She feels trapped. From the way you talk about her it's as though she's become weary of everything and doesn't know which way to turn or what she wants anymore. If it's possible to do it maybe you should live apart for a while. Can one of you go and live or stay with friends or relatives for a while? This would give each of you time to think about your future. The spark has definitely gone out of your marriage and if you can't come to any sort of agreement together to improve things then maybe you should consider going your separate ways. If you do decide to split up it is best to keep it amicable if possible for the sake of your family.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2013):
 I think you should GO talk to a lawyer, get some financial advice and I don't think you waiting around for her will make her change her mind. Seems like she wants you around to punish you and because it's familiar, not out of LOVE.
In case of a divorce she CAN NOT tell you in the decree WHERE you can live, unless you have custody of minor (MINOR) children. Your youngest is 18.
Seems to me that she wants to string you along, not for YOUR sake or for the sake of the MARRIAGE, but because she feels entitled to it. That isn't healthy for either of you.
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