A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello: This has been going on for 2 years.Been Married 20. She IS controlling, manipulative and abusive both verbally and physically.She had affair/lived with another man/Filed for divorce 10 years ago.She broke the law, was convicted as a felon after 2 years of court wranglings in another state.During this time, caught her talking to guy from affair 10 years ago.Due to crimes, our lives are ruined financially.We have to teenage kids.She been begging me not to leave and forgive her and work on marraige.I CANNOT find it within me anymore. I CANNOT find anything but mis-trust, anger and resentment toward her. I HATE divorce. I never wanted it, I took her back once before. But now, I just feel dead, scared, horrible for my kids and no longer want to be married to her. I don't want whatever comes with the life of a convicted felon or probation. I don't see a future I deserve if I stay. I'm not perfect, but I have been a loyal, trusting husband. I've never cheated. I can't seem to forget or forgive the abuse, cheating, lying, and now crimes.I've filed for Divorce. Yet I have been letting it sit and not move forward. She's threatens to make my life hell (hasn't she already) if I finalize things.I'm miserable.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): Sorry my message is so late... :(
The way how your wife treated you shows that you already live/lived an awful hell... So what`s the difference if you divorce her and she tries to make you miserable? Divorced you may be more free of boundaries and less in her control than married. It worth to risk. And her menaces may be mere talk (many though speeches are that way...).
She been begging you not to leave and forgive her and work on marriage? Then you must really divorce her so she can be really sorry for pushing her luck and abuse you! After the cruel way how she treated you, she obviously doesn't care with your feelings, only with benefits of your marriage (your money, for instance)which the divorce will ruin/finish. Dont let her make you her door nob and finish with her "good" selfish life.
You must already decided it, right? I just want you to show you that divorce is the right thing to do and show you I also care with you.
If things run ok, send a message informing us. I would like to see an happy end for you.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (23 March 2011):
 I'm all for sparing kids the effect of divorce if it's at all possible. My parents divorced and I didn't like it one bit. But sometimes it's just not possible, and this sounds like one of those times. Sometimes people can manage to stay together for the kids. If you've merely grown apart, lost your love, but can still be in the same room and be cordial. But an eggregious affair, criminal behaviour, financial ruin? You'd be setting the wrong example by staying. Your kids will most likely come to terms with it when they're older. But even if they don't, divorce is still the right thing to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you 2 Ladies. I didn't get as many replies as I hoped. I appreciate what you said, and to those on outside - it seems simple. But my two kids just make it so hard as they don't care their Mom destroyed our lives, betrayed me, is a criminal OR that I am VERY Unhappy. They just want me to drop the Divorce. I'm so scared of staying OR going. I feel parylized. This woman has always brought me drama all my adult life. I'm tired. I don't want to HATE but she will make the D horrible (when she doesn't have to). I am very reasonable, and want her(and will help as best I can) to get setup in a place. I don't even care about "stuff" - she can have it all. Well, thanks for input. If you would like to elaborate, I'll listen. Guess my post was boring or ill-timed. Only two replys :(
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Absolutely finalize your divorce. She's already made your life hell so her threats don't even hold water. You need to be shed of her so you can start planning the life you really want to have. And by the way, nobody likes divorce but sometimes it is the only option. Life is too precious to waste.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): either divorce or still the laughing stock in front of friend, family and your kids.
you should have divorced her 10 years ago.
get rid of her, once and for all, then reaclaim your life.
Move on, heal from this betrayal and move on. one day at a time.
but divorce is a MUST.
LoveGirl
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