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male
age
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anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for over 20 years, and together as a couple since we were barely teens. Starting out that young as a couple, there were infidelities on my part in high school. Then in a couple of years' span that we were apart because I enlisted in the military and we "promised" to each other, she engaged in infidelities too. We married and a few years in, I discovered her discreet adventures with other men. Working thru it we actually accepted out sexual curiosities and had our few approved separate liaisons with other partners. I have never been a womanizer and had a few. My wife had a few also. We also delved into threesomes and me watching her perform with other men, well, two other. One of them became close to our family and became sort of her boyfriend for over two years.That's fine, he moved away and our life went back to the traditional as we got older. However, I wanted to continue sexual adventures involving her and other men with me watching. She called it a day and wanted no more of it. I have come to resent the idea, or fact as it may, that in our three-way adventures she fully accepted and enjoyed the experiences with her having chosen the men she enjoyed it with... and now she calls the shots on us not doing it anymore. I feel as if she enjoyed her sexual experiences when, where, how, and with whom she enjoyed, and I now have no say in how our marital sex life evolves. I'm not done. Or at least I don't want to be done.I'm not interested in my own adventures bedding other women. My sexual arouosal centers around her, my wife. I've come to a point of wanting to share the small collection of erotic sexual photos and videos we have made with select others to "extend" the adventure if only for me.Some people may scoff at this as being small business but to me it's unfair. It's like she was at one time game and eager, and then on her own timetable it's as if she turns off the water when she's done and I'm left thirsting.Am I wrong and unfair to feel this resentment? Any ideas on what I should do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2019): Wait, so you’re saying you don’t think she has the right to deny other men access to her body because she’s allowed it previously? Good grief I’ve heard it all now.
In answer to your question, yes it is wrong and unfair of you to feel this resentment. You cannot seriously expect or even request that your wife continue to allow strange men to penetrate her against her will because it gives you a thrill.
Some men really do think women exist solely to please their sexual desires don’t they? It’s really sad.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2019): Hey man, look at it from her perspective. Let's say that you wanted to stop doing something that you used to enjoy and she wanted you to keep doing it solely for her pleasure. Would you like that? Hell no!
Perhaps you can find a different sexual adventure that you both will be interested in trying? Otherwise if you try to force her to do things against her wishes you are a dick and she'd be entitled to leave you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2019): Since when do you own her body ? If you don’t like it there’s a thing called divorce . You go find your sexual adventure else where and let her find a man who respects her . Otherwise you are going to need to wake up and understand that women’s bodies are NEVER the property of husband or any man. A mans sexual desires does NOT trump a woman’s ownserahip and authority over her body !
This imo is the problem with porn. It encourages this horrible attitudes that women exist for men’s sexual gratification and totally ignores any the concept of respecting women as whole human beings who get to make decisions that have NOTHING ato do with what men want
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female
reader, jls022  +, writes (1 April 2019):
It is this sort of mindset that has caused the rise of the me too movement and calls for ‘enthusiastic consent’ laws. I know you might think that sounds harsh OP, but I ask you to consider the following:
You have asked your wife to partake in sexual acts that appeal to you. She, in turn, has made her feelings clear - she has no interest and wants to stop doing this type of thing. However, rather than accept that it’s her choice what she does with her own body, you are now angry that she is not using said body to give you the pleasure you feel entitled to as her husband.
This is the very crux of the me too movement. Men see something they want sexually, and they feel entitled to it. Regardless of what the woman thinks about the matter. Many men across Hollywood and beyond have been outed for using intimidation, coercion, blackmail and all sorts of other tactics to get the woman to agree to give them the sex they want. Even if they KNOW the woman doesn’t want it, they don’t care. As long as they get theirs.
So what would your ideal scenario be in this case with your wife? That she should override her own desires and consent to sex she doesn’t want purely to keep you happy? Most men in these scenarios counter that argument with ‘I want her to want it/enjoy it as much as me’ but that’s ignoring a really key piece of the puzzle - the fact she has told you that she doesn’t want to! The option of her wanting it as much as you is off the table because she’s told you she’s not interested. To try to convince her to do it in spite of that is selfish at worst and coercion at best.
In your case, you say you feel like she is calling all the shots in your sex life, but that’s not true is it? She’s not withholding sex or cutting you off from her body. She is telling you she no longer wants to allow others access to it. Are you seriously telling us there’s no other way you can think of to enjoy sex with your wife other than watching her with other men?
OP I’m not having a go at you - this sort of thing has become so ingrained in our culture that many don’t realise they are doing anything wrong. But it needs to be pointed out that there are (at least) two people involved in sex and anything that goes on must require two people saying yes. Enthusiastically saying yes.
There is a whole movement that centres around ‘enthusiastic consent’. Meaning people don’t just agree to keep the peace or to avoid any negative repercussions, but because they really want to do something. That is not your wife, and any attempts to persuade her after she has said no should be completely off limits. I’d hope that would be the case morally for you anyway - because you wouldn’t want to force your wife to have sex she doesn’t want right? But also because to do so is a crime.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2019): It is her body not yours.maybe the whole time she did it for you and hated it.It seems you called the shots for years.It is her turn now.Maybe she does not want to sleep with strangers just so you can get off.Maybe she just grew up but you stayed a child.Maybe she got sick of you pimping her out just so you can be happy.Honestly if I were her I would leave you.If she wrote in that is what I would tell her to do.Her letter would probably go like this.....please help me.My husband wants me to sleep with other men in front of him.When I was young and wild I had a boyfriend and he watched.Now as I get older I just want a normal married life.I want my husband to want me not watch me with other men I hated it...I feel dirty.All I wanted was him and he destroyed my love.I do not want to do this anymore but he is begging.He is killing my self esteem.I do not want to be a s l u t.So all I can say to you is it you really love your wife stop hurting her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2019): There's not a thing you can do if she's done. I'd be wondering if, as "liberal" as the two of you were prior to your current predicament, would she be all for letting you have other women more regularly if that would be a substitute.
She calls the shots on what she does with herself, whether you're there or not (luckily you have been). You can do the same.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (1 April 2019):
 Sorry sir, but it's her body. She has rights to do with it what she wants and if she doesn't want threesome, she doesn't want it. Continue enjoy her only and the videos. People change through out years and her sex choices will as well. Mature out of it and find something else you both will enjoy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2019): You like sharing and you are very generous with your wife, however you don't share her feelings of 'calling it a day', that's something you will have to come to terms with or just move on. I don't think it fair sharing imagery without her consent and it is most annoying sitting in your living room and wondering if guests have seen your naked bottom, a thrill to the one sharing the erotica but darn right embarrassing to the star of the show :) stop been an axx and think of something else exciting.
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