A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been together for over 10 years but have just had some old possessions dropped off at our house by our parents / parents in law. Funny timing that they all dropped off boxes at about the same time. A lot of this is stuff from school, university and our early lives. Most of it is paperwork to throw out anyway but there are a couple of albums and shoeboxes of photos. My preference is to throw out all the old photos of our ex's. Obviously we both had a past, but it is just that, the past. My wife thinks I am a little crazy but is happy to do it.Question is what other people have done in the same situation? I don't think I am being unreasonable as I think it is inappropriate to have ex photos hanging around the place.
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female
reader, AuntyMacassar  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 I would keep the most important ones, but put them away in an album in a box in the cupboard, attic, or other mostly hidden location.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 It's interesting that you should seek approval from strangers to do something so personal. That you should even ask us means that some part of you questions this need to purge your past.
Everyone deals with the past differently. If your method is to eradicate any trace or reminder of your former self then who is anyone to judge? You of course. And I suspect that there is something about your past that you would rather avoid remembering but it can't quite drown out a little voice that says, "don't forget about me".
For the record I remember the past as well as I can, the good memories AND the bad ones. There's always something to learn and there's always a chance that new experiences today can help you to see the past with different a lens.
In the end you should have an honest internal conversation about why you chose to ask this particular question here.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): I would keep the photos. Your past is your reality; you are not changing anything by throwing the pics out; just killing the messenger.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 I have most of my ex's pictures put away in photo albums. I've seen pictures of my partner's exes as well.
it's our past but it's what's made us.
none of the pictures are anything obscene or even remotely upsetting... and it's not like we sit around and look at them.
I vote to keep them but if you and your wife are ok getting rid of them then do what works for you guys.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (26 May 2012):
 I think it's up to the individual couple what happens to old photos of old flames. I got married at 19 so there weren't many guys in my past and the one or two corny photos I have of a guy who took me to a homecoming dance when I was 16, well I'd kind of like to keep it. But if the photos are racy, half naked or suggestive, those can probably go away. Talk it over and figure it out. You both seem logical about stuff liike that.
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A
male
reader, Charter114 +, writes (25 May 2012):
Memories are just that-memories. I think to some extent everyone remembers their exes. Because,to a certain extent, thinking about the last can make most people happy. Bt it's a personal choice. If you both decide it's better to get rid of them, or move them out of your house, go for it. But don't turn it into a "I'll get rid of mine if you get rid of yours" kind of thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012): I have photos, dried roses,letters,a teddy or two, CDs,cards, all sorts of keepsakes,they are stored away and never looked at.But they are part of what made me as I am today the men that gave them to me,it was when we were in love or happy,in the past.
No way would I ever part with them. Thats my choice though.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 May 2012):
 I have a box in the garage with all kinds of pictures from my childhood, teen and 20's basically before I met my now hubby. I haven't opened the box since I packed up my house about 14? years ago. But I don't see why I have to throw it out.
If you WANT to throw yours out, then go for it. If your wife doesn't but keep them in some sort of storage, then I think that is just fine too.
My husband threw out ALL his wedding photos (from his first marriage) and all the ones he have of himself and his exes. THAT was his choice. As long as they aren't displayed around the house or something he needs to sit and reminis over constantly, I'm good with having pictures of the past.
However, we do have ALL the kids displayed around the house, ours and his.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 I don't think it's inappropriate to have pictures of your exes. They were just people after all. The pictures don't hold magic powers that enchants the one looking at it into falling in love with their ex. A picture isn't magical, nor is the memory, nor is the ex.
Then there's tact and tone. A shrine built to your exes is freaky. A blown up picture of them hanging in the middle of the living room is also.. weird. But a random picture here and there in a photo album, or in a drawer somewhere... totally normal.
I don't see a reason to throw away the pictures, nor are there any reason to keep them. Unless: you are very insecure and the pictures will hurt your self esteem and your relationship, or: the pictures should be kept because they are nice memories, and it's always good to have some memories. People shouldn't live in the past, but remembering the past is sort of crucial because it brought you to where you are today. It's a reminder.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012): We put them into storage in our parents attics. We all have a past but it's better to live in the now.
But photos are treasured memories so neither of us wanted to destroy them. I burned all photos of bad exes and she did too after those break ups, but good exes are good memories and perhaps when we're old and grey and want to take a trip down memory lane I see no reason not to have them.
The only problem I'd have is if they were within easy reach, there's no point in having them so close by. They shouldn't be hanging around the place but I see no reason to destroy good memories of good relationships completely.
Both me and my girlfriend like the idea of showing our children our exes some day when they are adults. To show them the people we were before we were their parents.
I think your wife is right about the crazy thing OP, it has been 10 years you know? The fact it's only really an issue at this moment is because you were moving possessions, that tells me they were all but forgotten about. The fact that she's willing to get rid of them also shows how little they mean to her.
To me that's all I'd need to let her keep them in storage. You're the only man in the world to her now. I don't see how it would help anything to get rid of pictures she doesn't even look at. You may want to take them out in 20 years time over a few glasses of wine and go through them and talk about them. That's our plan.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012): I agree!
An ex is exactly that - the past.
I don't keep any photos or anything of the ex, instead I choose to focus on the here and now, with my current guy.
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