A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a just turned 31 year old, divorced, but engaged mom of a 7 year old. While I am not overweight, I have a figure that is a little wide and flares a bit at the hips. In other words, I am not fat, but I've got a butt. My fiance has a soft spot and loves to gently prod my rump and sort of bounce it with his fingers the way most guys like to do. My problem is that whenever my ex husband used to do that, he liked to call we wide ride and fat ass. As a result, I still get a twinge of discomfort whenever I am touched there.I know this is not a real problem and my fiance is not responsible for my emotional baggage. My fiance is so sweet to me that I am surprised I have not gotten over all the issues from my 1st marriage. How can I stop thinking about this?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Ask your new man to say something really sweet or sexy each time he touches you like that. Eventually, the new, loving words should erase that horrible man's stupid recorded voice in your head.
Or change up the words. "Wild child and great ass!" "Fine hide and mad gams!" Repeat the new phrase over and over again.
Be brave enough to be vulnerable to your new guy and confess what's happening in your brain. If he's a good guy, he'll understand that you are fearful that he doesn't appreciate you the way you want him to, that he'll wind up saying awful things to you that cut you more deeply than you realized. You ex did some damage to you and this is one symptom. Just let your fiancee know that this is a concern of yours.
I hope he takes you in his arms and lets you know that you are a beautiful, fabulous woman and he's lucky to have you. Good luck.
A
female
reader, c_keller +, writes (31 March 2010):
Just remember your currant man is doing it out of love not to make you feel bad about yourself. But if it is something you cant get over talk to him about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Maybe you could see someone about it. If your 'wide ride' or 'fat ass' turn your new man on then I say stuff your ex and show your big and beautiful side off and make your new bloke think himself the luckiest man in the world!
I'm curvy and I'm going to let you in on a secret that I'm not sure you know. MEN LOVE BIG GIRLS!
Embrace that and let go of stupid names that your ex (and I bet you can name something bad about him) said to you.
P.S. Maybe the names were said in a good way. You could have misinterpreted them.
I hope I helped you and good luck for your wedding.
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