A
female
age
36-40,
*alcyondays714
writes:I know this question has a bunch of answers, but I figured I would ask and see what everyone says. Is it because they were one of your closest friends and you wouldn't want to lose them? Or is it because you want to keep your options open with them in the future? Or do you have mutual friends and it just makes it easier for them? Or is it something entirely different? I'm trying to see if I can understand my ex's reasoning at all for wanting to be friends.I have an ex that dumped me via text messaging several months ago while I was away at college. He told me he was moving, but a few weeks later he never did, wanted to still be friends but told me it was my decision. Oh, and I visited him at home 3 days before the break-up so he could have been a man and done it then, but decided to put me through a crappy date instead and tell me how much he missed me before I went back to school and do the break up electronically. We live in the same town and have the same friends so it's always a little awkward for me when we have to hang out in the same crowd once I'm back from school. I've made it known that I really want nothing more to do with someone who treats me like garbage so when he is around, I do not speak to him or acknowledge his existence. I consider myself to be a loyal friend and that my friendship is valuable and I honestly don't think he deserves it. He tries to be nice and talk to me, but I pretty much blow him off. Other than that, I have a good time with all of my other friends so it doesn't really bother me or anyone else.I found out from a mutual friend that was rather drunk that my ex really wishes that we could be friends. I just don't understand why. I mean, we weren't close friends before the break-up (I became close with his friends while we were dating) and he ended it very very badly. And we both get along fine with our mutual friends if we have to be in the same place, I just don't talk to him. He has said to other people how me giving him the cold shoulder bothers him and in the past, he has told my sister how I supposedly hate him and won't talk to him so he doesn't know what to do. In my opinion, there is no reason for us to remain friends. If he really wanted to be friends, he should have at least done the break-up in person. Why does he want my friendship so badly?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): I feel the same way... I just don't want to be friends with guys from my past. Much like you I ignore them, not to be rude or anything, but because I have already moved on. You're not doing anything hurtful or mean so I would say what you're doing is alright. Some people respond to break-ups by distancing themselves, others want to remain friends, etc. I can see how your attitude could be interpreted as hate or anger, but it is indifference. If he doesn't drop the matter (politely) let him know you don't want to be friends. You don't have to come up with an explanation, just state your feelings and continue with your day.
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