A
female
age
30-35,
*ilemaaax
writes:Hey there, Agony Aunts. (: Just a few things I'm wondering about...I am recently single and an attractive 19 year old. The other night while I was clubbing, a guy bought me a drink and we ended up spending most of the evening dancing and hanging out together. The next day he txt me and told me that he had had fun with me and enjoyed meeting me and wanted to see me again. He also told me that he was 28! This shocked me as he looked and seemed much younger, I would have guessed around 22.He asked me out to dinner later in the week but it never really happened, and I ended up running into him again the next weekend at another club. After some drinks, I ended up spending the night with him, although we did not have sex.He has been txting me pretty consistently since then and wants to take me out for dinner this weekend. I am so confused! On one hand, I like him a lot and have a lot of fun with him, not to mention that he is VERY attractive! But on the other hand, I can't help but wonder what interest a 28 year old would have in a 19 year old. Surely I would be too young for him to have anything serious with, but if all he wanted was sex, why would he be offering to take me out for dinner, and why would he not have slept with me when I was drunk and vulnerable in his bed? He is clearly very much a party boy, and him and his brother (who are inseperable) go out clubbing every friday and saturday without fail. My best friend also made a good point: if he wanted to settle down, surely he would have done so already. Does he just want someone to party with? Is he actually looking for something serious? Or does he just want sex? I have no idea! Another point: when he asked me out for dinner, he asked if I had a friend to bring for his brother... This makes me think he's just after a bit of fun. Would this be a fair assumption to make?Not really sure what I'm really asking here; just wondering if anyone has any feedback to my situation. I don't want to get hurt, and I can see myself falling for this guy, or rather, MAN, very easily.Thanks in advance for any feedback and replies. (:
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male
reader, j-dee  +, writes (24 May 2011):
just ask him strait up
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (18 May 2011):
Wow... Cerebrus must be this guy's best friend or something, because he seems to know way too much about him from a third-hand account of a few paragraphs.
Seriously though, your problem is that you want all the answers up-front. You want to know exactly what he's thinking and exactly what's going to happen. Forget about all that. If you think going to dinner with him would be fun, you should go. If he wants to have sex and you think you would enjoy it, you should do it. If having sex with him and then him breaking it off would break your heart, then you should simply wait until you're pretty sure that's not going to happen.
"Surely I would be too young for him to have anything serious with"
What gives you that idea? If two people can relate to each other and stimulate each other, age doesn't matter.
"If we wanted to settle down, surely he would have done so already."
Come on... he's TWENTY-EIGHT! You think no twenty-eight year old man out there is looking to settle down?? That's completely insane.
As for asking for a double-date with his brother... he's probably worried about being charming enough to keep a cute 19-year-old girl's interest. He think's he'll be funnier and more charming if he's with his brother, and he's probably right. Or maybe his brother is dateless and is just pressuring him. Anyway, double dates are fun... they are not an indication that someone just wants sex.
Basically, you just need to stop microanalyzing everything and go have some fun.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): You have a lot of questions and all of them are pretty easy to explain. As that guy I can tell you exactly how it works.
Why didn't he sleep with you that night? Because he's smart, he wants regular sex and if he slept with you that night he knew he probably wouldn't get anymore of it from you because you'd know it was all about the sex. Plus when you find a pretty young thing willing to start dating you, you want to see if she has any friends for your friends/brother etc. so they can get a piece of that young action. If he slept with you that night then he'd ruin that. Plus he'd lose access to all your friends, which is nice little dating pool for when things with you don't work out.
Plus what's the point in having sex for one night when you can have a fine young one to bone over a few months, it doesn't take much effort, just some token romantic gestures, some sweet words and having such a wealth of experience in dating that comes with age, you're at a huge advantage and can pretty much get what you want without having to give much in return. Girls your age are far easier to get casual sex from because women our own age have their own experience, they know all the tricks and don't fall for them and they have the biggest thing of all, they have equal standing with us because they have enough experience and knowledge to know how to get what they want from a relationship.
Look you know his type, you said it yourself he's a party boy, and young ones are his thing. Now he wants his brother in on the action too. They obviously do this a lot. Now your friend is right he's not the settling kind or he wouldn't be picking up girls your age in a club. I can tell you from my own time doing this that we don't see girls your age, girls we don't even know but ones willing to get cozy with us, as anything other than a bit of fun.
He's not the settling type so he's not going to settle into anything serious with you either. If you're up for a bit of fun, some token romance and some sex, then he's your guy. But if you're looking at him as a potential boyfriend you're going to be very hurt and feel used. But as long as you're up for some casual dating and casual sex, then go ahead it will be fun. But please don't think for one minute that it will develop into anything more because it doesn't. I've been doing this kind of thing years and long term relationships with someone your age who is a total stranger from the start is just not going to happen. There are just far too many obstacles to overcome for that to actually work. Age isn't just a number, those numbers count as years more experience, years more of life, and in cases such as yours they're almost an entirely different generation.
Think age is just a number? Then just remember you were 9 when he was celebrating his 18 birthday.
So remember feel free to go ahead and date him, but just know that this is not going to develop into anything serious, so if you want to go ahead with this then leave your feelings at the door and just have some fun.
It is possible I'm wrong too, but the chances that I am are so slim as to not be worth pinning your hopes on.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 May 2011):
 Suggestion: have dinner with him and see how it goes
19 is not too young for 28 that's only a 9 year difference
my boyfriend is over 13 yrs younger than I am... what does a 37 yr old man want with a 51 yr old woman? LOTS of things: dinner date, movie date, gaming partner (board games) sounding board when work sucks, or friends are idiots, dancing partner, watch tv date... and yes sex...
a bit of fun may be what he wants but it may not be about sex... a double date with his brother may be his comfort level...
don't analyze...
think of it as a lovely vacation
go out
have dinner
go dancing
enjoy yourself and to make you not worry... do not sleep with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 May 2011):
 He might prefer younger women. (as in younger then himself).If he didn't try and have sex with you when you spend the night and he invited you out for dinner, it would seem like he is interested in getting to know you.As far as what he wants in life? I couldn't tell.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 I don't think you're too young to have anything serious with. Unless YOU don't want anything serious. At 19 I was engaged and living together with my fiancé and his mother. We were serious. I wouldn't recommend it, I was too young as was he (think he was 22 at the time), but anyway. If you don't want anything serious, ask him what he's looking for in a relationship. If he just wants someone to hang with and have fun while it lasts, or if he's looking for wife-material. Then you will know what he's after and if he's a kind of guy you can see yourself with or not. Also check if he's got children. If he does, the situation gets trickier and I wouldn't advise it unless you really care deeply for him. I once went on a date with a man 10 years older, and he had a kid that was 12 years old. He was attractive, but I found him boring, and with a child on top it wasn't for me. But the age thing wasn't an issue. My limit is: if he's old enough to be my father. That means 17-18 years older ++.
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