A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We had a fight and it's a big one. We rarely have big fights, we had like 3 big fights within almost 3 years of our relationship. I was uneasy about something she has done. I was uneasy that she hangs out past 4am till like 6-7am in the morning with guy friend(s) that i dont know much about. I told her what was wrong and she said she doesnt know what i wanted her to do. She left it unresolved to hang with her friends again and i got angry for just leaving it unsolved. I said some mean things to her that i didnt mean. I told her maybe we should break up since you dont care enough to fix this problem. She was shocked and sad. We both talked through phone and she knows i didnt mean it and she knows that i still love her and care about her. She said she still cares about me alot and love me but she is confused. She said she needed some space to think this through. I know i can just give her her space but is this bad news? She doesnt know what she wants anymore, she said she doesnt know if she wants me although she still cares about me alot. I dont know what else to do. I told her i promised to change and fix this problem. I dont know if she will ultimately just let me go even though she loves me. Please help, i really love her, i dont know what ill do without her. She is a really big part of my life. The hurtful things i have said only lasted about 1-2 hours then i called back to apologize and stuff. She said all this was too much for her and she said she tried to move on but can you really move on that quick in 1-2 hours? I dont know im really confused. I tried telling her on the phone if i could please meet her up and talk this through but she said she didnt want to see me at the moment or for a while. I just cant believe she slightly moved on in 1-2 hours, she still loves me and all and im willing to change for her. I dont want to ask her is there another reason why she doesnt want to get back together. We have way more good/fun times together than bad. We rarely fight. and what i said was completely false and it was out of anger. Im starting to think she is just using this situation to pry away from me, maybe she is seeing someone else? or now that she has close friends she realizes she doesnt really need me? because before she didnt really have close friends until now. I just hope this doesnt end bad, hope she still wants to get back together. Relationship has been going great for almost 3 years :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks people, i thought i was responsible because i bottled up the anger and let it all out on her. I also sometimes "tested" her because of the odd hours. It was that much of a big deal until i vented anger at her then she broke down and said it was too much for her and she is confused. She did promise to return a call/text/meet in person later in the future. She does message me a Hello or Good morning, i respond back with a good morning and ask how she has been but she takes a while to reply so i thought it was best just to leave her alone. But as for the decision, i am afraid i dont know. I have a feeling shes using this as an advantage to gain some demands on me. She loves and cares about me but yet she just wants me to wait. Is she testing me? anything one she is possible seeing someone else? using me as a rebound if things dont work with that other person she is currently interested in?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): she is confused or is acting confused to get away from you and make it look like you were responsible for the whole situation.
why does she hang out at such odd hours? that doesnt make sense. If you accompany her.. its ok, but not without you.
you need to spend some time alone, analyse the situation. I think you would be better off without her. She does not want to talk and solve the problem and running away does not help either.
give her time, wait for her to call you or come see you. She surely will if she loves you. If she does not, then just move on. With time you will be able to get over her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): Sounds like it hasn't been going that great underneath and that you have some resentment. Better leave her some space and use the time to think things through yourself. Relationships have to suit both people - does this one suit you as much as you say?
The word 'why' is useful so if she comes back wanting to talk about it, you could ask her why she meets these guys. That might help. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, mai mai : D  +, writes (21 December 2009):
just give her some space.and if things dont workout then thers obviouesly some sort or reason wether she knows it or not, and dont pressure her for a reason she might not want to hert you, and its kinda mean, just respect her dishion.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 December 2009):
The truth is you saw the problem and you actually tried to confront it. She wanted to hide. That's a bad side. I'm going to say that she just isn't all that into you any more. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have to question her feelings. You were right to suggest breaking up, because she wasn't willing to fix the problem at all. and why do you need to change? She's the one out after 4, she's the one who didn't talk to you. You don't need to change. I think she has used this to get away from this relationship. You can find someone who will love you and not do this to you. Be brave and move on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 December 2009):
The truth is you saw the problem and you actually tried to confront it. She wanted to hide. That's a bad side. I'm going to say that she just isn't all that into you any more. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have to question her feelings. You were right to suggest breaking up, because she wasn't willing to fix the problem at all. and why do you need to change? She's the one out after 4, she's the one who didn't talk to you. You don't need to change. I think she has used this to get away from this relationship. You can find someone who will love you and not do this to you. Be brave and move on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 December 2009):
The truth is you saw the problem and you actually tried to confront it. She wanted to hide. That's a bad side. I'm going to say that she just isn't all that into you any more. If she really loved you, she wouldn't have to question her feelings. You were right to suggest breaking up, because she wasn't willing to fix the problem at all. and why do you need to change? She's the one out after 4, she's the one who didn't talk to you. You don't need to change. I think she has used this to get away from this relationship. You can find someone who will love you and not do this to you. Be brave and move on.
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