A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Thank you in advance to all who take the time to answer here.I have one brother and one sister. I am in the middle in age.I find that if I send an email to my sister giving all my news and asking about her news lately she has been ignoring me.If I cc the email to my brother she responds quickly and is just ever so sweet. I do not like it...phoney. For years she has endeared herself to my brother and also subtly put me down I have learned.As of late my relationship with my brother has really improved and it seems he is rising above the drama.Why would my sister ignore my emails but put on quite the show when my brother is privy to the email.Thanks everyone and wherever you are...stay safe. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2020): OP, we don t know the family dynamics here. Are you better of fianancially than your sister? Perhaps you come off sounding like a bragger, to your Sis. Is your Sister kind of introverted and may be jealous of how you are such a social person? As everyone has pointed out, Sis wants the attention and approval of your brother. In your emails to Sis, do you tell her that you Love her? Ask about her health with genuine concern and Love? Ask about your Sis, as to any problems or troubles? Are you in a storybook marriage, but your Sis is a widow or sadly divorced, or even in a horrible marriage with a bum, a drunk, a layabout man? You yourself, know all of these family dynamics! Above All, Do Not bad mouth your Sis to your brother, or to anyone else! Is your brother eldest? Is he quite well off? Could there be a jealous competition, to try to win the lions share of an inheritence? There is so much that we do not know! We do know this though: Life is very short, and next to GOD THE CREATOR, family is most important
A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (29 June 2020):
You did not say anything about your father. So I would assume your brother has picked up the role as the man of the house.
Girls normally fight for the attention of their father, or whom ever plays that role. Could be brother, uncle, or grandfather. Your sister does not see you in any of the leading roles, and therefore does not care what you have to say. But when the father figure is involved, she wants show that she is being the good girl everybody loves...Look at me.
Do not be upset...This is good for you. This is when you step up asP woman amoung girls. You should be dealing with your brother one on one...like adults. Your sister should be on a need to know basis. After all...she really doesn't need to know everything going on in your life.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2020): [EDIT]: Typo corrections
"Don't fight over your brother, he's related to both of you equally; and you can't control the depth of his love for either of you."
"Sister to sister relationships are sometimes unshakable, and testy; but in most cases, loving in spite of weird or crazy differences."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2020): Why would she? I think it's obvious. She wants your brother to believe she's a sweet and lovely person. She competes with you for his attention and affection. Deep-down in her spirit, maybe she isn't all she appears to be; but she fears his judgement of her for being anything less than what you are, and what you represent.
Your relationship with your brother is established from childhood. If you've maintained a consistent closeness throughout your lives; it is an enviable relationship, and susceptible to challenges from outside, or within, the family. It just is the way it is, and not much can be done about it; but to adapt to some of it, and deal with whatever goes beyond reasonable boundaries.
Don't fight over your brother, he's related to bother of you equally; and you can't control the depth of his love for either of you. That's his choice. He will judge you by what he sees, and what he knows. He's not fooled by either of you; you're family, not strangers!
Sister to sister relationships are sometimes unshakable, testy, and but loving in spite of weird or crazy differences. I think your problem with your sister is considerably minor compared to what we usually receive here on DC.
Just for ya-ya's, with a humorous tone, ask if she'd respond to your emails if you didn't cc big-brother?
Placed on the spot, let her answer your question; rather than basing your feelings on what we speculate about her. You know her, and we don't! There is a little touch of sibling-rivalry, some jealousy, and competition. It's normal to some extend; but it also has some potential to be destructive or divisive...if she is a manipulative and undermining kind of person. Otherwise, always cc your brother; and force her to behave like a good sister. Even if she has to fake-it! Don't make a big deal of it. You love her in spite of the silliness! Right?
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 June 2020):
 As you have already worked out what happens, why not email them separately? Or even stop emailing her? If she ignores your emails, what is the point of sending more?
We can't choose our families but we can choose how we deal with them and how much contact we maintain. It doesn't sound like she will email you if you stop emailing her, so why not just let it go? What is the point of sending her emails to ignore?
This is another post where I wonder about the other side of the story. I wonder what your sister would say if she were to post? Do you (huge "perhaps" here) just email to brag about what is going on in your life? Do you ask about what is going on in her life or are you not interested? Be honest and think about this. Siblings often complete with each other in childhood and some fail to let go of this as adults. Is this still the case with you two sisters? Could this be why she ignores your emails?
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (28 June 2020):
 Without knowing the past history of the last 50-60 years its difficult to say why your sister would ignore your emails, this is siblings for you i guess.
Maybe she is jealous of your relationship with your brother, which given the age bracket that you mention is kind of silly really.
Just keep doing what you are doing, be friendly with both of them, keep in touch and show that you are not affected by your sisters immaturity.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 June 2020):
 If she for years have "endeared" herself to your brother, then it makes logical sense that she would continue to do so, if he is tied into the email.
If she only "pus on a show" when he is included, you know the answer. She wants HIS attention.
If you find it phony, don't CC the emails. And if she ignores them, well that is HER choice.
Write to them separately. You can always copy/paste if need be.
You write that she has "endeared" herself to your brother, well he is HER brother too. If he is the oldest she might look up to him in a different way. She can communicate with whomever she likes in whatever manner she likes. That is really no skin of your nose.
If she starts drama, you can CHOOSE to stay out of it, but honestly? Sounds like you think there is a competition for his friendship and affections. Most people can love both/all their siblings. You are in your 50's, are you holding on to grudges with your sister, from childhood here? If so, don't you think it's time to grow up and let it go? Life is too short to carry around all the negative stuff.
...............................
|
