A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for 6 years we live together for 5 years, we just got married cause I was pregnant with our son he's 9 months old now. My mother in law was always cool with me and I liked her a lot, she always stays out of our business UNTIL we got married she turned into a COMPLETELY different person. She suddenly ignored me and my son and everything is about "HER BABY" (my husband).Ever since I gave birth to our son I stayed home to be a mom until he's big enough for Daycare. This woman excludes me every time she talks to her son, she never done that before I don't know why she acts the way she does, she will tell my husband he needs to go spend time with his sister and his nephews while I'm sitting there....My husband told her OK he will talk with me about it first just in case I already got plans for that day, this woman freaks out she starts crying saying that why he needed my opinion on that matter cause thats his BLOOD SISTER, I was so upset....I feel worthless and confused. If my mother in law tell my husband to do something and he don't do it.... she will CRY until my husband comes hugs her and apologizes. She don't call him by his name anymore like she used to instead she calls him ''BABY" she always question me why I buy certain stuff with my husbands money, she always try to pull my husband away somewhere to talk and spend time with her, she ask me questions that makes me feel stupid like....'Do you know how to budget his checkbook?'She don't care about our son at all,when she call our house she ask to speak to her baby never say hello to me, when we visit she always talked about my husband when he was a baby. Is there anyone out there with the same problem as me? I need help!!! my husband told me all I have to do is give him the" OK" so he can settle things with his mom while I watch but I don't want her to think I'm trying to turn her son against her.please help I don't know what to do. I'm confused how can a cool woman turned into a completely different person like that. why does she hate me?FYI my husband is 33 years old.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 July 2012):
 Your husband needs your "OK" to put his mom in her place?
give it to him.
this is between him and her.... and until he stands up to her and tells her to back off she will bully him.
there's a line in a famous song and it says about marriage:
"a man shall LEAVE his mother"
and then there's the old saying
" a man is a son till he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter all of her life"
and it's true to some extent.
my fiance says to me: "NOW I am your family and YOU are my family"
we also say "we can pick our family but NOT our relatives"
all these things come up to the same point.
Your husband needs to speak to his mother and explain that you are his wife and his family and if she can't accept that then she loses no only her son but her grandchild as well....
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 Your mother in law fears she is losing her place in her son's life. She attempts to get that control back by ordering her son to do things. She resents that he is making decisions with you as a family unit. Your son is a reminder of her son she feels she is losing, to you. You have been with your husband long enough but she hasn't adjusted to the new life and she feels like an outsider. She has always been cool to you but maybe she is putting on an act. When your son was born her feelings of abandonment finally sunk in, like you are an established family and she no longer has any power in her son's life. She has to realize the feeling of emptiness is not your fault. Just because her son got married does not mean she is less important. In fact it should bring the family closer together because she is not losing her son, but she is gaining a daughter and grandson as well. She knows you are not turning your husband against her but her thinking is irrational and she needs more than her son's reasoning. Perhaps she feels lonely and is finding things to obsess about. The feeling of being nobody is part of aging. All you can do is be patient and reach out to her whenever she realizes it's good to have you in her life.
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