A
female
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anonymous
writes:I found out over the weekend that an ex boyfriend has moved to Australia with his new girlfriend. I went out with him about 10 years ago we were quite young but I loved him deeply and he broke my heart. We then had little flings on and off throughout the years but we never got back together. The last time I had anything to do with him was in 2008. I have since moved on, settled down and had a child. I would still see my ex now and then and we would say hello, sometimes chat, but there was never anything more to it. I felt completely over him. So why now when I find out that he has moved abroad that I cannot stop thinking about him? Its not even a feeling of wanting to be with him. I just cant get it out of my head that hes gone for good. Im so settled in my life and I love my partner to bits. In fact, these past couple of years Ive never been so happy. So why am I all of a sudden thinking about my ex??? Before anyone says I still love him, I dont and I mean I really dont! He has not crossed my mind in years until now. Its madness. Would love some advice and how i can make this stop. Im 31.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2014): Are you really happy with your life, yourself, where your at, your partner... The way I see it, your ex made a major change in his life, not only by finding someone, but leaving everything and moving to another continent.Maybe you feel that you missed something (not necessarily connected directly to him).Sometimes we close our eyes before a simple fact that we can be happy, just not happy enough. I know how weird it sounds. But it depends on how aware we were of our true needs and desires. Sometimes we end up in a good place, which is not necessarily where we wanted to be.It'll pass, but you should use this opportunity to dig deeper. Only you can answer the question you asked.And there's another option. Maybe he was a kind of a guy that played the field (he broke your heart, off and on relationships). Maybe now that he finally settled down and found someone to go to the Moon with (or to Australia as it happens) it feels as some sort of a weird defeat (off course it's not).Sometimes our ego lingers on certain things (peope, relationships) after the real emotion is long gone...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2014): I have no idea why you are thinking of him but I do know this. Consciously think about him as much as possible, every little detail and you mind will get sick of him. It will literally get bored of the thoughts after a while.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2014): They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique
And a swinging hot SPOT
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
‘Til it's gone
They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2014): I had a very similar situation. I broke up with my first love in 2006. I met my now husband in 2008 and suddenly around 2010, I started to dream about my ex all the time. No idea why, and every time it happened I awoke thinking of him for nearly the remainder of the day! Then, last year (7 years after our break up), I learned that he had gotten married. For about two weeks, I could not stop thinking about it. And then, for a couple more weeks, I thought about it occasionally but not as much. I happened to get together with a mutual friend (which was just dumb luck because I had moved 500 miles from where I lived with him, and this friend just happened to move down here around this time and reached out to me). She showed me pictures from their wedding (which I very hesitantly approved of) and to be honest, I was happy for him. It helped that he looked aged and completely different than when I was with him, and I realized that people move on. I don't know, that was really the last time I dwelled on it and did not really look back. But it took time for me to get to that point. And that was about a year ago now I would say. I think this sort of thing just takes time. It happened to my sister too, and like you said it does not have to do with being in love with them. It is just that small part of you that once loved him. We are only human, and it would not be natural for you to not care. :)Good luck friend.
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