A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex were together for 5 years. First 2 years were great, we talked about the future, made plans, saw each other as often as we could. Only one problem, none of her friends and family knew we where seeing each other because she didnt want to tell anyone at first because she thought they would force us appart because of the 17 years age difference. She was 20 when we met, an assistant manager where I worked. Everyone at work knew we were dating, just no one outside work.After 2 years it started to get to me that we couldnt move forward because she still didnt want to tell anyone. This started the slow spiral downwards in our relationship. We still talked about the future, but it was different. She started to make little changes to hers so it didnt quite match what we wanted before. Those changes became bigger each time we talked. She said she love me but slowly stopped all the affection, holding hands, kissing. A few times I had enough and was on the verge of leaving, but she talked me round saying she cant be without me. So we made up. Still she wouldnt tell anyone because she was still bothered about what they would think of her.Well, this year she bought a house. While she was looking for one she talked about there being enough parking for mine and her cars. Stupid me thought that meant she was planning on me at least staying over or visiting. She talked about there being enough bedrooms so my young son could stay over. Then, the week before she moved in, she ended it, saying its not working out.The only reason I can see for her doing that is, she made out to everyone she was single for 5 years. If we stayed together, it would eventually come to light that she lied to her friends and family for 5 years. This was her easy way out.Anyway, she text last week, cause for some strange reason she still wants to be friends and keep in touch. She asked how I was and how my son was. I replied that she almost seemed sincere in that text and its I good job I know her or I would have fell for that text showing concern. And that the only person she cares about is herself! Well, she phoned me up, asking why I would think that and how I could think that. And she was so upset that i thought that of her. She lied to everyone for 5 years, she lead me on for 5 years, what else would I think! And why would she care anything about what I think of her now?I cant work that one out so if you have any ideas, please let me know.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 June 2012):
 Hello there
Dont communicate with her, she has treated you badly for a long time,strung you along, now she has her own home, your history. Very selfish young lady. So what if she wants to feel better about it all by remaining friends.You don't need her little phone calls anymore.
You are now free to find somebody with a future together.You sound great and some lovely lady will appreciate you,show you off, make you part of her whole life.Best of luck to you too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): She may not want to be your girlfriend or ever marry you, but that does not mean that she hates you, that's why she can still genuinely feel some concern or care about you even if she doesn't want to be your life partner. if you were together for 5 years she's seen your son grow up too, so she may feel genuine care and concern for him. of course it's easy for her to feel kindly towards you since you didn't do anything wrong to her. whereas, you're seething with hurt and anger because what she did, hurt you.I think she was using you as a back up plan all this time. She made out to her friends and family that she was single, maybe because she was trying to keep the door open to find someone else but at the same time trying to keep you on the side in case she didn't. That's pretty low of her.You're under no obligation to stay in contact with her or be 'friends' or anything. In fact I think it's best if you cut her out of your life completely. But, at least be decent and stay civil or else totally ignore her, no need to engage with her if it means getting all snippy with her.
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A
female
reader, the ran meister  +, writes (19 June 2012):
i feel for you man. that's awful she pulled this stunt on you. she seems overboard selfish, everyone's a little selfish but to keep you a secret from her own family for 5 years, i'm surprised you let it go for even a year, shows you have a lot more endurance than most people. i got uneasy when i found out none of my boyfriends friends or family knew about me two weeks since we started seeing each other since i already told my coworkers, friends and family about him. it made me wonder if there was a reason i was a secret. things are fine now and they know about me, but i still remember the dreading feeling.your ex didnt seem to consider your feelings when she stopped being affectionate, did she ever explain that? and she didnt seem to consider your feelings when she broke up with you.she could be completely oblivious that other people (you) matter outside of herself- actually, i think she just worries about what people think of her since that was what kept her from saying anything about you. in worse case scenario, you were just another one of those people to her.i would think that the initial reaction of them finding out after 5 years would be a little betrayal and confusion, but that you guys were together for 5 years would've shown that you two were serious and you'd both eventually have the her family's blessings. did your family and friends ever find it weird she was doing that to you?
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Some people don't even know their own minds. It sounds like this is the case here. If she genuinely cared, she wouldn't have treated you like she did. If she didn't want to see you anymore, she should have been honest with you and just said "I want my own house and want to live on my own for awhile. I am not sure I want a relationship with you." It would have hurt you, but it would have eliminated a lot of confusion. After the stunts she pulled, I would never talk to her again. She sounds shallow and insensitive at the very least. And, it wouldn't surprise me if she had someone on the side. You don't talk about having a future with one man, then suddenly buy a house and leave him if you do not have someone else. Just my guess based on the information. You sounds like a great guy...I hope you find someone who appreciates you and your son.
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