A
male
age
,
*czinger
writes:Well it's been almost 7 months since my cheating wife left me for her boss. Although she never admitted to an affair I have mountains of evidence proving otherwise. Long story short... I thought I had her blocked on everything. I have been strict NC in order to heal. Suddenly, out of the blue last night, around 12:07 (about the time she would get home from her manager job at a local restaurant), she emails me on an old email account. One word from her. "Hi". Really? Hi? I did not respond and blocked her on that email as well. She has not tried to contact me except twice right after she moved out to get a couple of little thing she forgot in her hasty departure. Surely she can't be trying to reconnect.
View related questions:
affair, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 September 2018):
 Good for you!
Life DO go on. And ignoring her e-mail or calls is appropriate.
Keep moving forward!
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 September 2018):
 Good to hear you’re doing well.
All the best for the future
...............................
A
male
reader, sczinger +, writes (19 September 2018):
sczinger is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe has no personal belongings there. Nothing that reminds me of her. She didn't even take her kids photos and keepsakes. I boxed those up months ago.
I am doing very well, actually. The only thing I felt when I saw the email was a little disdain. Went right back to sleep. No response from me. Didn't want to. It has gotten much, much better. I'm enjoying my alone (not lonely) time. I sing in a band and stay plenty busy on weekends with that. Feeling joy back in my life. I sleep much better and life is good. I've decided to get out of the way of the universe/karma and let happen what happens. It needs no help from me.
Thank you for inquiring.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2018): You haven't told us how you're holding-up? I think she's checking to see if you've cooled-off yet. She may have recently reaped what she has sown!
There's no telling what's on her mind; but if you're legally divorced, it doesn't matter. My guess is, she does want something that she may have left behind; and she's schmoozing-up to you.
People sometimes feel a sense of guilt and sentimentality. It just comes over you. It often strikes when they're depressed; or have had a streak of bad-luck. If you're divorced; then just take it for what it is. She said "hi." Leave it at that, and just move on. I don't recommend that you respond to it. Forgiveness is healthy for the soul, and helps you to move forward.
You really should box-up all her belongings, and ship them to her; or drop them off with her parents. You need to get rid of all the things that just leave evidence to give you grief.
If you're holding onto them out of spite, the jokes on you! Every-time you look at her things; they will bring back bad memories, and that will only upset you!
...............................
A
male
reader, sczinger +, writes (19 September 2018):
sczinger is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs for the divorce... When she moved out on February 3rd and told me she didn't want anything from me, I had about a week of logical thinking and filed, uncontested with no minor children. No attorney... Cost of $148.00. She signed without even looking at documents. I turned it in at the courthouse and the judge signed off. The divorce was granted in 10 days. It was literally 3 weeks from the time she said she was leaving until the divorce was final... She left 90% of, what were her belongings, behind. She even sent me of list of the only things she wanted.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2018): Dude. How’s that healing coming? I’d guess not all that good if you’re too afraid to talk to her. Sure she screwed up and you’re still mad as hell but you don’t know what she wants and neither do the people responding here. What harm can come from talking to her? Sure, keep your guard up, but be a big man and find out where she is coming from.
By the way, the only way that you’re going to ‘heal’ is by forgiving her. And don’t believe everything you read here - grown (adult) people can and do get together again and live happily ever after. It's your choice if you want to put the effort into it.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 September 2018):
Things have gone tits up with the new guy and she’s realised she fucked up.
Glad to hear you blocked her, keep moving forwards. You’ve done great up until this point so carry on with it.
Best of luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2018): I have some experience here. If they try to crawl back and you give them another chance, then you are doing yourself and your own mental health a huge disservice. You've kept it up for 7 months. Keep going. Keep strong. You will never be able to trust a cheater again, no matter how many chances you give them. All the while, you will be destroying yourself slowly.
...............................
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (1 September 2018):
Why do you care if she’s trying to reconnect? You have made the decision to block her and move on with your life. You have done the first part now continue with the second.
Whatever reason(s) she had for trying to contact you are irrelevant. Don’t give them another thought.
Good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2018): People have a sudden attack of conscience, and she may just be testing the waters to see if you're okay. I do believe you should seek legal advice for a divorce. As long as she's legally your spouse; if anything tragic should happen to you, she can collect benefits and assets you leave behind. She can even contest a written will.
Sometimes people come to their senses and realize the wrong they have done you; and seek forgiveness, or to make amends. You'll have to face the music; and deal with this situation like reasonable adults.
I don't think no-contact should apply between married-people. You should make a final-decision, and get your legal ducks in a row. She may be asking for a divorce. Spitefully holding-on to her thinking you're hurting her, might hurt you even more.
You may find love yourself; and you'd be a hypocrite committing adultery. Two wrongs don't make a right; and sometimes people don't look at the full-picture. They just get filled with rage and embroiled in seeking vengeance. Don't be overcome and embittered by vindictiveness. You'll be cutting-off your nose to spite your face. Always rise above the situation, and do what is right. Protect yourself.
Get a good lawyer!
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (31 August 2018):
 Have to agree with the others, Milks turned sour I'd say. Unless you are considering reconciling does it matter why she has made contact? Personally I think you have done exceptionally well with staying strong with the no contact for 7 months. Its not a long time, but long enough for some to be on the road to healing. At the end of the day, the decision to take back a cheating partner is, IMHO, the wrong one. No matter how hard YOU try, it's a pain that never truely leaves you. Good luck to you, stay strong
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2018): She found out the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 August 2018):
Maybe things aren't going so well, so she wants you to be "stand-by" "spare" - just in case...
She obviously thought you "dumb" enough to not catch her or admit to cheating, maybe she thinks you are "dumb" enough to either forgive her or be "friends"...
As for what she wants, I'd say to hell with that.. WHO cares what she wants?! She made her bed...
Have you started the divorce proceedings yet?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2018): I remember you question a few months ago regarding this and my advice was you was doing the right thing after how she went about things.Well shock horror the novelty has worn off, she has had time to think about what she has lost and realised the grass is not greener on the other side. This is bound to have jolted you and I suspect she will next be writing to you, getting a friend to contact you or maybe a show up at your doorstep. Sir people do get back together and forgive their exes for what they did to them, she may well try and pursue you and you may have to decide if you want to give it another go, I am of course jumping the gun, she may just want to say sorry and have 'Closure' for her shitty behaviour and to feel better about herself. Only she knows why she has contacted you, but if you have come this far and you know that you do not want to entertain her in any way shape or form then the only option for you is to keep her blocked, ignore any attempts of contact and to continue moving on, you had your pride seven months ago, you still have it now, but yes for some reason she has made contact, it is up to you if you want to know why and if that will open up a can of worms you don't want. Best of luck
...............................
|
