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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of a month was organising his birthday and planned to have a meal with his family/friends followed by the younger ones going out to a night club afterwards. When he said to me a few days before his do ‘I’m not sure when I will see you again’ I assumed that it was cancelled because he had problems organising things. However, he later mentioned that some of his friends who he hadn’t seen in a while were coming out on his birthday. He didn’t call me with his plans so I made other plans. Why wouldn’t you want your girlfriend to celebrate your birthday with you? Initially, he asked me to come but I don’t know if I missed something. I thought maybe it had changed to a boys night out but he said that this couple were coming and there would be a girl there ‘who would make sure he would have a good time’ so there were girls there. My Mum said I should've asked if I was still invited but I would have felt rude doing that and if he really wanted me to be there surely he would have contacted me. So, was he embarrassed by me? Thought I would cramp his style? My mind is running riot! I don’t have a problem with him having nights out on his own, but I wish he'd informed me what was going on.I'm starting to frustrate myself because I am ‘pussy footing’ around him. I haven’t been getting heavy with him on things I am not totally happy with because of the hard time he has had recently but he is making it hard for me to remain the fun girlfriend he says I am. I find I don’t know how to react to things he says sometimes. For example, he phoned me up today and I asked him how his birthday went and amongst other things he told me that this girl had been rubbing herself up against him. I didn’t know how to respond and said ‘it sounds like you had fun then’ to which he said yes but that he had wished it had been me!!! I would rather he said that he pushed the girl away saying he had a girlfriend. You may think he is after sex but we have agreed to take it slow. He talks about sex alot yet when things get heated it is him that puts a stop to it. Another thing that has been bugging me is his ex-girlfriend. She treated him really badly, yet he was besotted by her. Anyway, my bf got a new mobile because he didn’t want her contacting him. However, he told me that a mutual friend of theirs had asked my bf’s parents if he was seeing anyone and they refused to answer them. Well, not long after that my bf said he received a text from his ex-girlfriend saying that she wanted to meet up when she got back off holiday (even though there has been no contact between them for 2 months). He understandably hasn’t say the most kind things about her given her actions and yet he said it would be nice to see her again. He tells me he is over her now, but I am wary of whether he is wise to see her. (and my Mum rightly pointed out that how come she has managed to text him when he got a new mobile so she couldn’t, although I gather he has kept his old mobile). I wonder if he is truly over her.Thing is I am really glad that he is open and honest with all that he tells me but I don’t know how to handle it when he does. I don’t want the ‘he’s a jerk; dump him’ line. I would like some suggestions as to the reasons why he is being like this and how I can approach this problem. I have tried double bluffing him which seems to work so I could suggest that I will let a guy do the same to me, and then if he says he won’t accept it then I can say my piece.Someone suggested to me that he is all over the place because he is worried about falling for me and then getting hurt like he did before, but I feel the same so I have been hiding my feelings from him (I think I am falling in love with him) and I think he is trying to get me to express these feelings by doing/saying these certain things. He is going about it all wrong because although he doesn’t know it he is actually pushing me away.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2006): at the beginning of a relationship its supposed to be fun and it sounds like your not getting that from him at all. instead of playing games with you he should be taking you out and showing you a good time. my advice to you is to make him realise your above all this mind game and jealousy rubbish by showing him your not gonna be effected by it. if i were you i would go online and look for something fun and unusual for u two to do together (something to take your minds off things outside of your relationship). paintballing, a theme park, ice skating etc. if it goes well u can move on from there. have fun! take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2006): to tell you the truth, that does sound pretty fishy. and i can understand why you are so confused! i would be, too, in that situation. my best advice would to stop obsessing over the possibilities and just ask him straight out! if you really are starting to fall in love with him, i think you would want to keep a lasting relationship with him. the only way to have a long, happy relationship with anyone is honesty. tell him you were confused, and sad when you weren't really included in his birthday celebration, and ask him [gently, don't get into a fight!] why he had a few other girls there, but not you. hopefully, after putting everything out into the open, you both will be happier and closer.
shawna
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