A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my boyfriend and I have been on and off for the last 6 months, but we've been together a year and a half altogether! He's 20, I am 23, and I am his first girlfriend. We break up over the same argument every time... he wants to work away while he's still young. When we finish he always ends up coming back to me as he finds it hard to pull away from me! He says he loves me an he'll never meet anyone as good as me, but it's just bad timing. We finally broke up for good 3 days ago because he's going to Australia to work for a year. He wants to keep in touch and he says if I'm not with anyone when he gets back we could make a go of it, and he says it would kill him to find out if I get a boyfriend. He cried with me when we said good bye! I don't get him... he says he loves me, but how could you leave the person if you loved them? Will he realise how much I mean to him over there and miss me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): "how could you leave the person if you loved them?"
Because he has to and he knows that. You see living abroad and traveling is his dream and that's best done when you're young, have lots of energy and drive to see the world. He has to because simply put no matter how much he loves you he knows if he doesn't do this while he can then he'll regret it forever and you know what if he did stay just because of you then it's very possible that regret would turn to resenting you for being the reason he never got to fulfill his dream.
You love him right? You want to see him happy right? Then you know you have to let him go do this and while I have a feeling you don't think you're being selfish by wanting him to stay, you are. This is not about you, in fact it has nothing at all to do with you it's his dream and it's a dream so beautiful he has to fulfill it. Trust me I traveled a lot when I was his age and it was something I would not give up for any girl in the world. Love isn't worth making yourself unhappy for, which is what he would be without this.
"Will he realise how much I mean to him over there and miss me?" He already knows how much you mean to him and as he said you mean the world to him and he probably already misses you. Just because he's going away doesn't mean you aren't his world but he has to do this, there is no other way to put it.
Look you have to understand, it doesn't matter how much he loves you, he has itchy feet, this is something he has to do regardless of everything else. So please stop thinking about yourself and be happy for him, he's about to start an amazing journey. Let me just say this, a guy who will give up all his dreams and give up his drive to do beautiful things just to be with you is not a man worth being with. Relationships like those get boring quickly because all you have is each other and all dreams and wishes are cast aside. Yawn!
A
female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (8 February 2011):
 In 10 years when you reflect back on this situation you will see it very differently.
He's 20, your 23. Both very young. As a female and three years older than him, you are more mature, potentially you could be settling down at this point in your life. He, on the other hand, is practically a fetus. Men at 20 have not developed and matured like women have.
It is unfair to hold someone back from doing what they want in life. Especially since he is so young and has his whole life to settle down. He's just not there and most likely won't be there for years to come.
He made the right decision for himself. He's too young and immature to make decisions for the relationship. Rightfully so. At 20 no one should sacrifice big adventures, school, exploring the world for a relationship.
On the other hand, perhaps you should start doing things like this too? Its harder when your older and have more responsibilities. YOu could always join in Auz too. Just a thought.
Good luck.
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