A
female
age
36-40,
*rista
writes:I married my high school sweetheart and he is the love of my life, he joined the army shortly after we graduate (a few yeard later we got married). He knows that he will be going overseas before summer. I don't want him to go and have expressed this many times, and he always says that I knew what he did before we got married. The past few weeks he has been asking me to try for a baby. I don't want to be pregnant while he is gone, he could possibly miss the birth and I don't want to even think about being a single mom if something bad were to happen to him. Why would he even what to try for a baby knowing I would be her dealing with it alone?
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female
reader, tired82 +, writes (24 March 2009):
 Unfortunately your husband has no choice, he has to go overseas. He is right you knew of the responsibilities he was going to have being in the military before marrying him so you've got to deal with them. He has no option in choosing to leave or not. You are only making things worse for him by asking him not to go. He's already being forced to go and you're adding to the stress.
I know it's hard because you are going to be so far away from each other for such a long time. My guess is that he feels that when he is gone you are going to cheat on him because you are going to feel lonely and will be in need of attention and affection. He's not going to be around to give you that attention that you need. It happens all the time. I saw it first hand. Men leave and their wives go wild. I'm not saying all of them do but for the most part it happens. Did you not hear of the cases in North Carolina where the husbands came back and found out about the cheating and they went mad. I believe he feels that if you are carrying his child in you, you will not feel the urge to cheat. Yes, it's sick but it's true.
About him missing the birth well I'm taking it he'll be gone for more than 9 months. Usually every 6 months they are entitled to have R&R you can ask him to delay his R&R until the time you are due so that he will be able to assist. There are always ways to work around things. Good luck and I hope you make the right choices.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 March 2009):
Could be either of the 2 people below's answer.
a) he wants a family to come home to
b) he wants a son in the world in case he doesn't come home
or
c) he wants you pregnant and tied to him while he's away so you can't leave him / cheat
None of those reasons are good ones.
I'm an army wife myself and I've seen the wives that are crying as they are having to go through all the scans and birth alone. I've also seen one who had it all go wrong and ended up in intensive care at risk of losing the baby and her husband couldn't come home.
Getting pregnant before he goes is a BAD idea.
Tell him it's just not going to happen.
You are going to have a crap horrible painful time when he is away. Why make it harder for yourself?
I loved the fact I could take a week off work and disappear off to visit friends in other places and get the hell off this awful base. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I had a baby to deal with / was a beached pregnant whale.
Plus, remember that when he comes home it is going to take him at least a month or two to return to normal. He'll go through depression and be a bit of a selfish arsehole. You will be extra clingy and eager to please and that will make him worse. Plus you'll let him off as if he's been in Iraq / Afghan then he will be jumping at every loud noise and will throw himself on the floor in the middle of a shopping centre. The likely hood is that you just won't like each other any more, and it takes a little while for your old selves to come back and for you to fall in love again.
And that's just this time! What about NEXT TIME he goes away?
I am aware your new president is not as keen on invading places as the last one but your armed forces are still as overstretched as ours. You have to think about the future here.
Ask him why he wants to put you through that and then explain that you don't give a crap and it's not going to happen for all the above reasons.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Understandably, you're worried about having to bring the baby up as a single parent if anything tragic happens while your husband is overseas.
From his point of view, however; it could show that he himself is worried about what could possibly happen to him while he's away. As a result of this, he may be thinking about trying for a baby as he wants his family to continue; and to also make something as special as a baby with you, so that if anything does happen to him, you have a child with him, and something even more to remember him by.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): becuase if he dies then his gene pool will continue. its a survival thing. ok chances are he wont die, but thats part of the reason....
Star.x.
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