A
female
age
51-59,
*rayhew
writes:i meet my partner 6 yrs ago, he was my friends brother, she told me he liked me and did not seem to have a problem with dating him, that was until i did date him. Everyone seem to all of a sudden be on my back, why i dont know, first of my partner would come to me all the time telling me what his sister had called me and my other friend. time and time again he reported back to me about what his sister and friend (both my friends at the time) were calling me, very bad accusations acqually. then before i knew it his sister and my other friend were coming to me saying that he had been calling me. i was childish but i could seem to stop it all. before i knew it i had lost his sister as a friend and my other friend. then i started recieving calls from his ex partner very abusive ones, he actually sat there while my phone was on speaker and listened to the threats on my life that his ex and her new partner were making, and did and said nothing in fact he did not react in anyway. this happened on lots of occasions. While he lived with me he always came home very sullen and never happy looking , all he ever did was come home sit there watching tv with a tea and cigerette, then another and another and not really doing anything. he takes me where ever i want to go, but when asking hime on lots of occasion to actually take me out to socailise in a bar or somewhere different than toby for a meal, his reply is i have better things to spend my money on. aside from driving me where ever i want to go and take me away in a touring caravan he owns he doesn't take me out ie. i don't know if this is all just me and being over reactive. recently we had a long break up, cant really rememeber what it was over now, (but would be my fault as always is no matter what according to him, as well as the other things i am in his eyes) anyway just before we broke up, i had very troublesome health issues that took a turn for the worst. while we was aprt and i was dealing with my health and the constant hospital appointment, he texted me constantly telling i was this or that or the other. the next thing i found out was that he had bought my dad a car behind my back, i am not even sure as to why he did this as they never had exchanged number or stayed in contact before now. all the conversation where witheld from me by my dad and by him. on approachiong my dad he appologised and yes both parties are to fault, except he would still never tell me what had been said in any conversation between my dad and him. he also visited on occasion to my parents house of which he had never done before. He decide to tell me in a round about way in other words by rubbing my nose in it (ie, oh u never guess where i have been today and what they had to say, u would not belive how been calling you and its not my family) things like that etc. we have just had another tiff and yet again all this with my dad and family is starting up again. he refuses to tell me what is being said then trys and puts some sort of blame on me for asking by saying " what u got to hide from ur dad etc etc). i already fell out with my mother due to all this when he first did it, due to some lies he was telling her and she belived them over me. i am so confused as he twisted everything and makes me look like the bad one. is this me or what, i am so confused as to why he would do all this and still carry on .please please advise, much apprecaited in advance
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (3 July 2012):
 Like the others said, your husband is abusive and controlling. You observe reality, so why are you letting him twist it? You know what the truth, so stick to it. Do not allow him to twist the truth. In my experience, men like this do not change. They keep projectting blame on others. You need to stop playing his game and take a stand. You cannot talk or even argue with men like this...they will win. They like to keep you engaged though, because they are secretly insecure and fear you will leave them. As long as they can keep you confused and fighting, they have power over you. Do you see that? The more you argue or fight him, the more power he has over you. Please be careful with this type of man, he can break you so far down emotionally that you will not realize the extent of the damage until you finally leave him. The sooner you leave, the better.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (3 July 2012):
Like the others said, your husband is abusive and controlling. You observe reality, so why are you letting him twist it? You know what the truth, so stick to it. Do not allow him to twist the truth. In my experience, men like this do not change. They keep projectting blame on others. You need to stop playing his game and take a stand. You cannot talk or even argue with men like this...they will win. They like to keep you engaged though, because they are secretly insecure and fear you will leave them. As long as they can keep you confused and fighting, they have power over you. Do you see that? The more you argue or fight him, the more power he has over you. Please be careful with this type of man, he can break you so far down emotionally that you will not realize the extent of the damage until you finally leave him. The sooner you leave, the better.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (3 July 2012):
 I have been with men who twist things or say things which make you look like the mental party and trick you into thinking you are going mad. These gentlemen normally turn out to be exceptionally controlling and your husband sounds the same. He has brow beaten you and taken your confidence so you are no longer thinking clearly. Who gives a flying about his sister and her friend - cut them off, ignore them completely. Your husband is treating you incredibly cruelly and badly and because you are so down trodden you cannot see it. Any man who goes to your family behind your back and then teases you about it afterwards pretending that they are saying things about you and that they have little secrets is a complete twat. Time to leave or ask him to leave. You do not need anymore of this mental cruelty which is what it amounts too and you do not have to put up with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2012): "i am so confused as to why he would do all this and still carry on"
Why not? You're letting him get away with it and doing nothing about it so why shouldn't he fuck with your head and ruin your life and relationships with other people? People can only hurt us if we let them OP, if you get rid of this guy for good then you'll be in a better position to deal with him.
As for his sister and her friend, they're idiots but so are you OP. There are two types of people you should never get with in regards to your friends, their immediate family members and their exes. I don't care what people say and whether your friend says it's okay or not, the chance of it not being okay when it actually happens is too high to risk it, so never do that again if you value your friendships.
OP why are you playing these games? You're not some innocent little flower here, this guy is being a dick and messing with your head, why are you staying there playing the victim?
Forget why he's doing what he does, he's an asshole and who knows why assholes really do what they do? What you should be trying to figure out is why you're letting all this happen because it all stops if you want it to stop. So either put a stop to this or stop complaining about it, because you can end this.
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