A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend very much. We are very serious and are planning to get married in like a year. I am very trustworthy and not capable of cheating in any sort of way. We've become so attached to each other, However, lately he is being paranoid lately he keeps freaking out if I don't answer the phone and starts accusing me of cheating on him etc... I try all sorts of things to keep him at ease... when he travels I hang out with his friends so that he knows I'm with the people he trusts more, I even message him continuously.He has my email passwords facebook password, I made him meet all my guy friends to remove any doubt. I know he knows I'm not cheating and so this is not the reason why he could assume I would be doing the same. At the end his excuse is: baby you are so pure and so good to be true that I keep doubting I've found the perfect girl and then he apologizes for everything and is back to normal. (this scene happens like once a week)I give him my trust the least he could do is trust me back. Why would he be so paranoid calling me a cheater for not answering my phone (while I would be in the shower) or having my phone out of reach because of bad phone connection??? He directly accuses me without asking for explanation i have to beg for him to listen to me each time and then he becomes a sweetheart after I start crying.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): I believe that this type of relationship needs to change before you both become happy again, if its anything like my experience the beginnning of when you are together you spend all your time together etc and everything is perfect, no issues or worries because its fun and exciting.
Now as the relationship gets more serious things start getting in the way and causing arguments. I can completely see why he is been like this. Hes become too attached and starting to become paranoid and controlling. This is an issue in himself, that he needs to deal with with the support of you. I believe you when you say you wont cheat, by what you have written it gives me a good impression of the type of girl you are.
Yes he does love you and wants to be with you, he is going the wrong way about keeping you though. Love blinds people, (not literally) and it will be so difficult for him to se how he is been or feel comforted enough and content enough to not have these thoughs or feelings. At the end of the day you can sit there till your blue in the face telling him you love him and dont want anyone else and he has nothing to worry about etc but the effect this will have on him will be short lived. Ulimatley he is the one that needs to change, and get rid of these negative and controlling thoughts before they manifest.
From your point of view you are currently willing to sit there and reassure him etc and tell him what needs to happen. After a period of time you will just get fed up and pissed off and continue with the actions that he gets suspicious about, leading to deterioration of the relationship. Eventually you will not have the enery, patience or time to keep trying to make things better.
I think that the best thing is to reassure him, explain to him in a serious conversation that he has nothing to worry about, after doing that its up to him, realistically he cannot expect you to answer your phone every time you call etc, this is a sign people have become too attached and this is what draws the fun out of the relationship. Taking each other for granted rather than appreciating each other and what you both have to offer isnt healthy.
It becomes an effort to try keep each other happy because you have to continuosly think about what your doing and how your acting etc which leads to you not been yourself and more importantly both of you not been the people that fell in love. When you first started getting together etc part of the excitment was waiting for that call back or that text back etc where as now its a question of WHY? WHY? WHY? simple explanations seem daft, its his mindset and view on things that have been changed by his love for you.
Things need to change, and he needs to know this. He needs to know how it makes you feel, but make sure he REALLY knows and isnt just agreeing because he feels happy about the reassurance your giving him at the time you tell him.
The work is up to him. After you have done your bit. You have a better understanding on the situation than he does.
"you dont loose anyone by loving too much, you loose them by holiding them back"
He could probably do with a male explaining to him in harsh words that if he doesnt sort his head out and these daft thoughts out he is going to loose you!
I really hope this help :) x
ill look for your reply on here if you have one
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont like having privacy..neither does he...i am so open to him that is why i wonder why he keeps freaking out..
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i have his email and facebook details because. we are so open. And i always tell him i love him a lot all the time. I am trying to fix how things are happening coz he deserves to know he is with someone trust worthy he just needs to chill and i keep telling that but he keeps freaking out. probably hes been in bad relationships before... thx
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): there needs to be trust and you aren't getting it.
tell him if he doesnt give it then I think you will only ever be half a person with him.
why shouldn't you have your own privacy? email etc.
do you get his details?
Star.x.
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A
female
reader, r4nd0menough2luvu  +, writes (27 March 2009):
 Aww. If you think about it he cares and loves you. He is afraid he will loose you. Tell him to just trust him and show him love. He loves you. Why else would be acting like this. Tell him he is the only one for you. He probably want to know if you love him. Tell him you do. . He just loves you alot. I mean if you put yourself in his shoes you might get worried to. Tell him to leave a voice mail or something and be sure you call him back
PS: hope all goes well =D
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