A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:any advice is welcome. this is rather embarrassing to write as i am 29. been with my boyfriend two years,he is a divorcee with two kids. we dont live together.(i met him when he was divorced) we have many arguments yes but my problem is my family dont really accept him because of his status. this xmas the family has made it clear they wont be getting him any gifts and therefore i feel i cant invite him when i do xmas day with them,it would be embarrassing for us both. then my mother said i shouldnt bother coming either,but then the whole family will fall out with me for months if i dont. its seems like favouritism as my adult brother lives with a girl and she is so very well accepted and loved by the family. the family say they dont wont to accept him because of his status,but surely whether we last or not, they cannot treat me like this? please advise.
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (27 November 2008):
 Yes, spend the time with your man. If your family want to see you, tell them, they know where you are. You are old enough to do just what you like, sounds like your parents are very manipulative, now is the time to put a stop to it. Have a nice christmas. hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): You are not alone there are millions of us in our 30's and even 40's who have parents who are unable to accept a persons partner. I was on the receiving end of it as the 'disliked half' of a relationship and it is the worst feeling - it kills your self esteem when people don't think you are good enough. When someones parents make it obvious you just want to get away from it and lets face it why should you spoil your own or your boyfriends day. Definitely be with your man. Make a point of not going to your family on the day but go on Xmas Eve hand out presents etc. That way you are making the statement that "I'm an adult, I make my own decisions, I will not be bullied and so if you can't be nice to me and my boyfriend then I'm spending time with the man I love." They only have themselves to blame and sometimes, please trust me, parents have to get the message loud and clear. If you give in over this it will never go away. They are trying to control you and its very wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): I'm not going to pass judgement on your family, it's not my place! I will, however, tell you how I would handle the situation...
I would stand by my man! I would graciously, let my family know that I will be spending the holidays with my guy, and regret that I cannot be with them. I would drop by early Christmas Eve and leave the presents for family members. If the fact that I was not comiing is questioned, I would (again, calmly and respectfully) explain that by "shunning" the man I love, they are disrespecting me. I would risk the outcome of doing this out of love for my man! I believe that families should make concessions for their loved ones. I would feel that they should accept my relationship out of love and respect for me! Even though they may not be happy with your choices, that is Your business!
And that's just my humble opinion!
I wish you luck and A Very Merry Christmas!
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