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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been going out for 9 months now. I am in love with him but haven't told him. I want him to say "I love you" first. He knows this but hasn't yet said it. I am becoming impatient. I am worried he doesn't love me like I love him, because before me, he recently ended an 11 year relationship with a girl whom he has children with. What are my options- should I tell him how I feel or should I wait for him to tell me? And might he still be hung up on his ex?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): sounds like he's holding back, which, given the circumstances, makes sense. My advice would be for you to hold back, too. This isn't about playing hard to get to trick him into being more of what you want. that never works. but it's always smart to keep your heart a little safe ...
A
female
reader, _Donnah_  +, writes (21 February 2006):
 He might be scared to tell you that he loves you as you haven't told him that you love him yet, and because you haven't made your feelings clear to him he may feel that you dont love him as much as he loves you and he doesnt want to ruin things by blurting out that he loves you as he might feel that it may send you running.Plus hes just been in an 11year relationship he may not want to jump into another one of those "I love you" relationships just yet. At the end of the day none of us can tell what hes thinking and we can just assume and give advice, im sorry if none of this helps you but i hope it does!Also, you would be amazed to see how many questions on here are all about trying to match up with ex girlfriends and ex boyfriends. Hes not with her anymore, and if he wanted to be he probably would be. He likes you because you are different to her - i think you should stay that way.Be yourself and say what you feel.. Dont keep it bottled up hun.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (21 February 2006):
 Best if you give him some more time, he has just come out of a long relationship with someone he loved enough to have children with, he may still be struggling with letting go of her and the kids fully, he may have had a knock to his confidence and not fully trust his emotions and heart for awhile.
There is not rush for either of you to declare love for one another, take your time, let him heal fully that way you know when he does tell you he loves you it is for real and not because he is on the rebound or telling you what he thinks you want to hear, it really is worth waiting a bit longer and when the time is right you will know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): he wouldnt be completely over his ex after being together for that long..its completely natural. and unrealistic to think he would be. Not yet anyway. I'd be glad he doesnt want to hear it from you just yet coz i'd take that as an indicator that he is needy and wants someone to fill his ex's shoes straight up. Speaking of that try not to start comparing yourself to his ex this early in the piece... if ever!! Maybe he is trying to evaluate his true feelings for you in his own time to make sure he's not making the same mistake again or rushing his feelings. I imagine he would be pretty messed up emotionally as it were, without being pressured into announcing his feelings for you...he's probably still sorting out the one's from the last relationship and doesn't want to say it when he doesn't even know how he feels. I personally wouldn't get involved with someone that soon after a break-up as it could spell all kinds of trouble!! I'd be appreciative that he isn't that quick to speak of love at this point... it could mean that he's actually considering what he truly feels for you. Wouldn't you rather hear it in his own time and mean it...rather than faking it just to make you happy? By all means tell him how u feel...but maybe slowly does it though..you wouldn't want to scare him off..."I care for u deeply, I have strong feelings for you... I just wanted u to know..." and maybe leave it at that for now without standing there expecting a response of the same kind!! Leaves the ball in his court without the pressure and it's always nice to know someone is there for you regardless...also indicates you are patient, understanding and considerate of his feelings - even though you may not be at the moment at least its out there and he can consider it. I think he'd like you and respect you more for sharing without the pressure!! Wish you luck!!
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