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female
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anonymous
writes: what can i do? my ex keeps finding ways to get in touch with me and when he does he makes me feel worthless, that he didn't fancy me for a long time when we were together which is why he went back with other girls, this makes me feel so low although i know he is just a nasty piece of work and a waste of space. why does he insist on trying to make me feel so low about myself when we aren't together anymore. he tells me that a friend of mine tried it on with him just cus he knew it would hurt me, why won't he leave me alone i've begged him to stop ringing my mobile, my house, stop harrassing me in public etc why won't he just go away :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much, the thing about making me feel low so i crawl back to him really makes sense thanks u lot xxx
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 Ah, okay now this is making more sense. He is jealous and hurt. That's what usually happens during a break-up; however, it doesn't seem like he's able to cope with his feelings.
Listen, you are not making him look "stupid." Right now he is at rock bottom and his friends are making him feel even worse with their ridiculous comments. He is believing those comments because his self esteem is so low that what they say really seems to make sense. That is making him push all of these negatives feelings on the one who he thinks is to blame: you. But what he doesn't realize is that the relationship takes two people to make it work. You didn't dissolve it by yourself!
What he is doing by telling you that you are gorgeous could be a couple of things. 1) He's trying to win you back and when it doesn't work he tries to get you as upset as he is. 2) He is just messing with you to make you feel worse when he tells you negative things. Confusion like this would upset anyone, especially if it's coupled with such nasty remarks. Bottom line is that I think he may be trying to get your self confidence even lower so perhaps you will get with him because you 'aren't good enough' to have someone else. If that's what he ends up trying to tell you, it's b.s. That's one of the oldest tricks in the book for trying to keep someone around.
Do yourself a favor - keep ignoring him to the best of your ability. Don't answer the phone, don't listen to his messages (erase them before you can hear them), don't answer your door, if he is talking to you in public then just ignore him. He will end up leaving you alone at some point. Who wants to talk to a brick wall for so long?
While it doesn't sound as though a restraining order is necessary at the moment, if his actions progress then please do contact someone at the police station who can help further guide you.
And it's great that you've found someone else. Someone who will actually care about you in a genuine way, hopefully. Because this other guy apparently never did or else he wouldn't want to hurt you at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys for answering my question. i do go out with friends again as i didn't when i was with him because he was so insecure. i started to meet someone else now but havn't done anything, we really like each other, but my ex is saying iv made him look stupid infront of everyone by seeing someone else, that his mates are taking the p*ss out of him cus of it. i feel bad for him at times but it seems he is just out to take away every bit of self esteem i have left, one minute he says hes sorry and tells me i am absolutely gorgeous, then the next he puts me down, which i no is just childish and immature and i shouldn't get upset by it, but i can't help but feel a twinge of hurt inside :( oh well he will get bored eventually i hope, thanks a lot xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (12 September 2006):
Hi Anonymous,
The first thing that I was going to tell you was to stop answering his phone calls. The more you ignore him, the more he'll get bored with playing this disgusting game of his. But then when I read that he even stops by your house and harasses you in public (!!!), that's very serious. I agree with Ponungalungb - you should get a restraining order. This guy sounds nuts! Nobody deserves to be messed with like you have.
Also, I suggest is to get involved in something around your community, go out with friends, do things that lift your spirits and help make you forget about this creep. Because if you really think about it, the things he is saying are probably not true (and if they are, then thank god you two are not together anymore!!!!!).
And the next time he stops by your house and starts to harass you, call the police and tell them what is going on. Don't be afraid that your situation isn't worthy of doing this - it is!
As for what he actually says:
It's obvious that *he* has issues *he* needs to deal with, so in the meantime try to remember that and try not to let his pathetic bitching get you down. If you start to feel upset about it, do one of the things I mentioned above - call a friend!
He's only saying these things to get a reaction from you; he doesn't know how else to deal with the pain he's facing. He wants to drag you down, too. He is a loser and he has no life. If he wasn't any of those things, then there would be no reason for him to keep trying to hang around you and bring your down. You know this is true.
Perhaps he is jealous? Maybe he is being a jerk because he sees you are fine - or better off - without him. And since part of jealousy is anger, this is probably why he's lashing out at you. I'm not trying to defend him, I'm just trying to figure out what this guy's deal is. But since I don't know the whole story, this is about all I can come up with (besides the usual him being depressed, an angry individual all around, etc.)
Get help from the police, get a restraining order, surround yourself in the positive.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I think a restraining order may be what you need.
The fear of incarceration might be all it takes to put an end his escapades.
Good luck!
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