A
female
age
41-50,
*ggdrasill
writes:My fiance and I have know each other for nearly ten years. We've been in a relationship for nearly five. Before me he only had three serious relationships. One we filed a restraining order against, and has no bearing here. The other two were bad relationships. Both he and the girls cheated, the girls stole things from his parents, and they were just your basic all around bad relationships. He hadn't spoken to either of them since before we got together. Now, all of the sudden, both girls are on both of his social networking sites. When I noticed it I told him that it bothers me. He assured me that there was nothing between them. It didn't seem unusual for me to ask him to delete them. If they mean nothing to him and he feels nothing for them then it shouldn't be a big deal. Turns out it is. He told me "Fine! I just won't go on those sites anymore." and "I'm not going to do what you say just because you don't trust me."I tried to explain to him that it wasn't a trust issue until he got so pissed about deleting someone who doesn't mean anything to him. It just bothered me. I don't add my ex's when they contact me because I feel it would hurt him. I explained that to him but he still says that he's not going to delete them just because I said so. I know that someone is going to say "he's with me not them" but honestly, if he can't even delete them from his pages isn't he trying to be with both at least on some level? It's not like they've been close friends all this time. This is a completely new thing. Am I over-reacting? Should I just let it go? Or do I have a legitimate gripe here?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 then..why dont u add your ex, and see how your fiance react? :)Nope you are not over-react..i think he doesnt see the grounds you feel it..but I can understand how you feel, cos I am a woman. So, if i were you, i will do what he did. Add the exes..if he mind, well..guys usually feel insecure about this, he will tell you. Then you can tell him that you will delete them, if he delete his ex contactswhat do u think? :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Have you ever thought that he wants them to see how happy he is with you and be jealous? I had the same situation come up in my relationship, and basically I just wanted my exes and various other chicks that had been less than cool to me to see that I was happy with someone much better looking, intelligent, successful than them. I want them to see me and know that they have no chance and I must say that I thoroghly enjoy rejecting their little ploys to get my attention. What can I say, payback is a @#$!&. Childish I know, but that's what it was for me.
Also, us men don't like to feel like we're being bullied into stuff by our gf's, and by demanding that he delete those chicks, that's basically what u were doing. My advice is to try to get him to see it from ur perspective, and then I'm sure he'll do the right thing.
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