A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically, me and my partner got together in 2012. We're engaged now and have two kids so our relationship is serious. I'm 23 and he's 27. When we met we did start off at friends with benefits for about 6 months before becoming bf gf. Anyway, in the beginning he tried going down on m3 a few times and I said no because to me that's something I do when I feel comfortable with the guy in with. Now, almost 6 years later he won't do it to me. I've told him that I want him to do it now as obvs were very comfortable together and when asking him why he won't he just ignores it or tells me to shut up. I can't go the rest of my life without receiving oral sex and I don't understand why he used to wanna do it and now not.
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engaged, friend with benefits, oral sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 July 2017):
 First off a size twelve is a healthy size so don't think it does your fault. He is a very bad person who is selfish and only thinks off himself. This is not your fault and I am so sorry you ar going through this. Please do not take him back he does not deserve you. You deserve so much better
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (11 July 2017):
 That is a huge change from your first post, you are so lucky to find out what a jerk he is, A UK size 12 is smaller than av, and it takes a year for your body to go back after being pregnant, To comment on your size in that way for me is even worse than he been a cheat as it was his baby you had that gave you the stretch marks in the first place,I hope you copied them messages for the divorce, Best to get him out of your life now,It is not going to be easy for you, but he is a worthless sh_t
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (10 July 2017):
 I'm sorry, OP. You need to get him to move out, get custody or your children and get child support established.
Please take longer before risking pregnancy or any commitment, in future. You deserve a decent boyfriend and your children deserve a father who isn't a cheating, lying flake. This situation could perhaps have been avoided, but it is *not* your fault that he cheated - no matter what size you are (and you're not even "plus size", so don't take his crap.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2017): Whoa! That's a huge revelation!!! Caught and totally incriminated by the evidence.
Sweetheart, I'm so very sorry! Well, at least get the legal wheels turning to get your child-support. He's got to pack and leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your replies I do however appreciate it all. UPDATE: Turns out the guy I was in love with has been cheating on me for about 8 months. Our daughter is only 6 months old .... so we've separated. I'm honestly heartbroken that not only has he betrayed me, he's done it whilst I'm very heavily pregnant and at home taking care of our 1 year old son. I found out because I was on his phone buying his birthday present as my phone were on charge and a Facebook message off a girl who he's had a thing with before popped up. Anyway the message was just a photo she sent so I looked .... she has sent him a nude. So I scrolled up, messages after messages, nudes after nudes. One of her lady parts and a reply off him saying 'it tasted so good last night baby'.... 'last night' he had to 'work overtime' ..... but obviously met up with her instead. Other messages included him telling her how beautiful and slim she is and how I'm a whale covered in stretch marks since having kids. I Will admit I'm not as slim as I once were. I was a UK size 8 before having babies and now I'm a UK size 12. I honestly don't know where to go from here but I know I don't deserve to be cheated on. I could never ever do that to him and I honestly thought I was the ONLY one for him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2017): When I read your original post I had a feeling that he is bored with the relationship but having read your follow up posts I am certain now' sorry to say, that he is not into you anymore because you don't say what he is saying to you to someone you love and respect. In my opinion it is very wrong to have kids out of wedlock but yours were accident at you say. I am totally with Andie's Thoughts that your priority now is to discuss marriage with this guy and if he refuses then it is time to let him go and take his kinky thoughts about love and sex with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2017): Sex is a deep and complicated expression. It is as mental, as it is a physical act. You've got to get your head into it. No pun intended. Meaning, what your mind wants and desires; is what your body, hands, and mouth are willing to execute. When it comes to the mouth, taste is involved. Sometimes the mouth and nose don't synchronize. Some people just don't taste good down there. So what was hot yesterday, is off the menu today. Sexuality can be fickle.
You've missed your window of opportunity. Now you want to know why? Well, it was something he wanted to explore 6 years ago; but the desire to do it has past. Just like you want it now that your "head is in it." Well, now his isn't!
Most guys like blowjobs; but there's a surprising number of women who don't like giving them. Some ladies may do it under pressure; or simply to please their lovers. Yet they may never like it. If given the choice, they wouldn't. Well, all men don't like performing oral-sex on women. Maybe in time, some guys lose their "desire" to do it. I didn't want to use the phrase "taste for it," that would be yet another corny or crude pun. But it's also a valid point.
As we age and change; so does our sexual-tastes and performance. What might have been great last year, may be boring and uninteresting now. Sometimes, some people don't venture down certain avenues of desire; but that doesn't mean their partner is totally undesirable. It just wouldn't be cool with this person. It just doesn't feel right with your current lover. I try to be flexible, creative, and adventurous. I just don't have the stomach for some things.
My partner gets it. So we compromise.
You say he talks dirty and talks about doing it with other girls. That's only to heat-up the moment. You can say just about anything in the heat of passion, and not even remember within the next hour. People might blurt-out to a one-night-stand they love them. Yes or No, are the only two words you should really take seriously during sex. "I love you" is only real when you're a well-established couple in-love.
Now you want it more because you don't like being refused. It's now about ego and obedience, or it wouldn't be such a big deal. It wasn't for the past six years. Why now? It's because he brought it up in the context with other women. Oh, so now you want it.
If your relationship is solid. He'll either compromise, or stick to his guns. You have to respect that. He'll figure-out a way to make you happy. Forcing people to perform sexual-acts they don't wish to perform makes the act mechanical and unpleasant. It then becomes a bone of contention; which then translates into a matter of argument, and a battle of wills. I will never perform anything I'm forced to do under psychological blackmail! Shoot me!
No, hon! Not in the bedroom!
Let it rest a while. Don't bring it up as an "issue." You catch more bees with honey. Sometimes flavored sex oils or chocolate syrup brings something special to the table.
Don't ask, just lead him there. Just remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. If he doesn't want to, you'll have to deal with it. Or press until your bedroom becomes a battleground, and he doesn't want anything from you. Always aim for compromise, never insist anyone does anything they don't wish to do.
He probably doesn't want to do it; because you're making it an issue. So the pleasure to do it is no longer there. It's no longer your desire; but a demand. He has to prove something to you. Nothing can be more toxic.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers. We've been together 6 years. I do ask in a calm manner and if he didn't wanna do it to me for an actual reason I will respect that. We didn't have children too soon, I've suffered from PCOS since I was 15 and was told I'd never have kids so it was a shock both times but I don't believe in abortion so I could of never got rid of them. He wasn't also 'new to sex' hed been having sex since he was 14 so 7 years prior to when we met. 7 years is a lot of experience lol. Id only had 4 years experience prior to us meeting. It's not just oral, he doesn't touch me at all down there but expects it done to him. He talks about threesome, which I've happily said we could experience and he talks about how he's gunna go down on her whilst she's going down on me. I just wouldn't want him to do things to other girls that he doesn't do to me
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf he just DIDN'T like it I would RESPECT that. But in bed he likes to talk dirty and says about going down on other girls ..... I haven't just started going on about it and I don't 'nag' .... he tells me to shut up because id ask out of the blue and I've been asking him to do it after about a year if I'd being together. I don't like blow jobs but I know he enjoys them which is why I do it to him. He does like doing it ..... he did it to my friend enough. (I didn't find out they'd slept together until 2 years into the relationship. He didn't cheat on me with her just slept with her before he met me) When he DID cheat on me with one of his ex's there were messages between them both and one of him saying 'I miss licking your p***y and watching your face as you cum'
So yeah I am pretty confused as to why he won't. I've asked him if it's me to tell me because obviously it's something I'd wanna know and he said it isn't but wouldn't tell me the reason why. I've not mentioned it for a while but it's just getting to me. I love sex. I love oral and a good sex life in a relationship to me is important. Spesh after almost 7 years.
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A
male
reader, judgedick +, writes (8 July 2017):
He was young and just starting out 6 years ago, He would have not much experience in sex and he might have felt he needed to do it or at least give it a try, Did you ever try oral before and if so did you enjoy it or are yu just wanting to explore it now, some men like giving it some don't and there is no law saying he must do it if he does not like ,
You need to talk in a calm manner about this and the other things in your sex life's together as equals and bought has to except the others right to veto, what if he had a fantasy that you don't want to explore do you think you must do it anyway
The one thing I would say is don't go behind his back and cheat, if it is that big a deal to you some men are happy to let their wife go to other men for sex each for their own reasons, we are told that men are better at keeping sex and love separated we all know the one " it was just sex dear but you are the one I love "
WE ALL change as we get older, some call it growing up some have needs that can't be filled you need to know if you are happy in giving up oral for to be with this man
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 July 2017):
If it's smell or taste, showering beforehand and using a dental dam could help, but if he just doesn't feel comfortable with it any more, then you need to respect that.
You *can* live without any sex, you just don't want to, which is okay. However, you have two children with a man you've been with for 3 - 4 years and have not yet married, so this is something you need to discuss properly.
If he does not want it, you need to find something else you like that he is happy to do. If that's really not enough, you need to leave your children's father because you "can't live without oral".
Quite frankly, if this is the deal breaker, you had kids too soon, with the wrong guy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 July 2017):
 You CAN go the rest of your life without oral. There is no healthwise reason WHY you can't.
You just DON'T want to go the rest of your life without oral.
BIG difference.
I have to ask WHY is it now such a big deal - 6 years later? Obviously, you have gone a long time without it.
Has he given a reason (other than shut up)? And my guess the shut up was because you "nagged" about it?
Let's say he REALLY doesn't want to. Some find a female crotch vaguely gross, some are just lousy lovers, lazy lovers, selfish lovers etc. But let's say he just doesn't LIKE it. Doesn't like the taste/smell/notion. OK, that should be RESPECTED.
Same with YOU. If you don't REALLY like giving HIM oral and he really wants it, well you don't OWE him to do it.
While I think most people have certain preferences in bed and certain no-go's many of us STILL do things to please a partner without expecting reciprocity. JUST to see out partner ENJOY something.
Are there other things he can do that you might enjoy? That you can suggest instead?
Personally, I'm NOT a fan of oral and I have done FINE without for decades. There are other things I rather not go without.
You two are still young, trying new stuff, hopefully still trying to please each other (as well as yourselves).
Have a chat about it, BUT NOT in bed. And if he just doesn't LIKe it maybe you need to respect that?
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