A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend broke up with his last ex girlfriend almost 2 years ago, I'm not very sure he is over her and I feel I'm just a rebound whenever I ask him questions about his past relationships he doesn't get frustrated about any of his exes except his last ex of 4 years, there is always something whenever he talks about her , he says he is over her because she told him that the 4 years they spent together was a mistake, it feels to me that he is hurt but is still in love with her and can't really get over her and if he had the chance he would be with her, they also got pregnant and he was very upset that she got an abortion and he seemingly wanted a family with her because his response to why he got upset is that " she did not want kids" but he never talked about what he wanted.I'm not overthinking or assuming things , I just feel it and it isn't about trust I do trust him. I'm so confused and I'm not sure how to deal with his feelings for her? Do I just let him be or do I try ? It just seems no matter how hard I try he still doesn't get over her, we've been together for 7 months now
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 July 2017):
 It's a hard situations for him, he must have went through a very emotional time, it's a lot to happen, off course it will be a sore spot. It would be hard to talk about. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you, it's still just fresh for him. Give it time. If you are happy in all other aspects then don't worry about this as we all have a past and it can be hurtful. Doesn't mean he still loves her
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2017): It's a sensitive spot, and it hurts. It doesn't necessarily mean he's still in-love with her. Only that she hurt him more than anyone else ever has; because he was more deeply invested emotionally. You even added the fact she aborted his baby!
Read your post and consider the details. An abortion is serious, and involving the child he will never get to know. His own child! Are you jealous about that too?
Are you confused, or consumed by your jealousy that he could care for someone else? You may have never really cared so deeply for anyone in your past; so maybe you can't identify or empathize. I think his pain lies more with her choice of aborting his child. Not so much about her.
Men want physical virgins, women of purity; while women want men who are emotional virgins. They want a guy with his memories totally flushed and purged of his previous feelings for anybody else. My dear, that is childish and unrealistic. If he isn't making any effort to get back with her, you're just creating unnecessary problems in your relationship. Based on nothing but retro-jealousy. He has a past, and you're not his first.
You don't have to deal with his feelings for her. You must deal with his feelings for you. You should focus on how you're being treated and how he shows his feelings towards you. Your insecurities will eventually become a burden and erode your emotional connection to him. I think you need to focus on how much he loves you, not her. You're not exactly showing him the love either. You're preoccupied with what part she played in his past. She's bad history. Leave her there.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (8 July 2017):
 Yes just let the matter lie. It could take him a lot longer to finally get over it. Just steer clear of exs unless he brings up the subject.
He has been wounded at a deep level. It isn't going to go away quickly.
You have to face the fact too that you might not be the one for him. You might just be helping him through this healing time. And if, after a while, you think he has had enough time then you might have to grasp the nettle and look after your own interests.
After all it's not all about him. You need looking after too. You deserve to be loved fully and completely. You can only wait for so long.
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