A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband to be dance competitively in college - salsa, tango and ballroom with his ex wife for many years. We've been together 3 1/2 yrs and not once has he taken me dancing. Our wedding is this summer and I don't know how to deal with the first dance. Clearly I assume he doesn't want to dance with me and it hurts and makes me feel unattractive. I guess he doesn't want to do that with me just keep the memories of the ex when it comes to dancing. Will I regret it forever if we never dance at our wedding? Can someone explain why he wouldn't want to dance with me but wants to marry me? Seems strange to me and I can't figure it out - please help Dear Cupid!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): I am a contemporary dancer and think that he must not have really liked dancing, or because he was a lot younger then. If you are a true dancer you take every opportunity to dance and it's a natural feeling soon as you hear music.
Bet he does not like dancing.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 March 2014):
 "Can someone explain why he wouldn't want to dance with me but wants to marry me? Seems strange to me and I can't figure it out…"
Yes, and that someone is the love of your life, the man with whom you plan to share the rest of your life, your fiancee!
Talk to him about it, instead of asking people who don't even know him! Be brave, he's your longtime boyfriend and now fiancee, he's not an adversary.
If you are confused and puzzled by something he is or isn't doing, give him the courtesy and respect of asking him.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (23 March 2014):
 You've been together 3 1/2 years and are engaged to be married but you can't let him know how you feel about wanting to dance with him, especially at your wedding?
You're making a lot of assumptions. You assume he enjoyed dancing in college, you assume he liked dancing with his ex, you assume he doesn't want to dance with you, you assume he wants to keep that memory sacred.
Maybe he hates dancing, always has and always will. Maybe he assumes you don't like dancing or wouldn't want too because of his past. He might be making assumptions too!
Your first dance is important to you so you need to let him know this.
If you guys can't talk about the things that matter to you then how is your marriage going to work?
Tell your fiancé how you feel, I'm sure you guys can work this out.
I wish you well and hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (23 March 2014):
Dear OP,
"Clearly I assume" - so you don't know. You don't know if he doesn't want to dance with you. And even if you did know that, you still don't know why. It's probably not because he thinks you're unattractive, or else why would he marry you?
I agree with Honeypie, talk to him. It's important to avoid unnecessary drama and misunderstanding at the beginning of your marriage.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 March 2014):
 IF he's got his ex- available to dance "salsa, tango and ballroom" ..... and YOU available to do the "horizontal Mambo"..... and he's gotten you to consent to MARRYING him... I don't think there are any more questions to be asked, relative to HIS love-life, AND your future!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): Have you tried asking him to practice? Or why if he says he doesn't want to? It could just be him assuming that you dance too since It's now second nature to him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 March 2014):
 My advice, TALK to him. You could be assuming the totally wrong thing.
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