A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need advice and opinions on how this situation looks from the outside looking in. The last job I had there was a guy (the boss of my boss). One day he asked me to go to lunch. While out he asked what my story was and if I was married. He is married with children. After lunch the first time he says "we should get together like this once a week" Now I'm not working there anymore and we still get together for lunch. We take turns paying for each others lunch and he's not flirty or anything. He recently added me on Facebook. I'm just assuming his wife knows but I've never asked him. Is this okay to keep going to lunch with this guy?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 Honeypie is spot on.
In theory men and women can be friends with no sexual tension, but in reality many of these so called friendships are based on sexual attraction and when that attraction doesn't pan out the friendship goes with it.
I don't know how much interaction you had with this man before he invited you out for lunch, nor how long you've been having lunch since. It may be perfectly innocent but I think you're right to question it.
The fact that he speaks highly of his wife is no guarantee he has pure intentions. Many a man would be heartbroken to lose his wife but that doesn't stop him from stepping out on her when the mood strikes and the opportunity presents itself. And even if it does start out innocently enough, feelings can develop.
So Honeypie's advice is practical. Suggest he invite his wife along some time, or that you go on a double date or something. See how he responds to that. He may agree to it, but if it never happens....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): lunch is absolutely fine , but perhaps you want to put your cards on the table and say you like his friendship and company .....as friends . Telling it as it is will help you ! Good Luck !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe always talk about his wife in a positive manner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): It could be innocent on his part. But I would tell him I'd love to meet his wife. Or maybe we should all get together for lunch or dinner or something. Does he talk about her in a positive way? If he speaks negatively or not at all I would question his ulterior motives.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (23 March 2014):
No one said you can't have friends. Just dont let it develop into something more. All the best!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 March 2014):
 Are you single?
And you "guess" his wife knows? Really? I would ask.
If he has no ulterior motives other then to hang out and be friends he should really introduce you to his wife. I would tell him that you would love to met her. See what he says.
You are questioning this, because you know it kind of comes off as iffy.
If the wife knows I don't see a problem, if she doesn't then I would "assume" he has ulterior motives for these weekly lunches.
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