A
female
age
41-50,
*olly5
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. We get on get and have talked about moving in together and booking a holiday in August. However the past four months he has gone off sex and we have not slept together. We still kiss, hug, cuddle etc and he says he loves me. I asked him and he said he feels he can not do it any more. I ask why and he says he feels like he does not have the energy. Why the sudden loss? ... for the first nine months we slept together about once a week. I am confused ... if it was someone else why have we booked the holiday and thinking of moving in together? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (19 May 2008):
It's probably biochemical - or neurochemical. In the early stages of relationship, the lust chemicals kick in and they will bond you two well. You will get a dopamine/seratonin/oxytocin rush and feel great from sex. Later, between 9 and 18 months, this fades a bit, and if you don't love each other at all, you will probably go your separate ways. Love grows slowly over time, and gets critical mass between 4 and 5 years - as you two slowly bond more and more. The critical time is between now and four plus years. Just be loving and considerate and see what happens.
There are other things - are you two in a rut? Doing the same things always? You both need to sit down together and discuss this - maybe realizing that you both love each other dearly and do so from your head as much as your heart. Pay attention to little acts of kindness and consideration, and possibly see a GOOD relationship counselor, if you can find one. You started from once a week sex, and that's rather infrequent for a new relationship. Perhaps you two just have an infrequent sex drive and other things, like work pressures get in the way of even that. Get together, be kind, appreciate what you have and talk a lot to each other. Good luck.
A
female
reader, °Ale°  +, writes (18 May 2008):
 Hmmm... Is her schedule at work changed? Is there something in particular that he's doing now that he didn do before? Maybe he really is too tired to have sex. Another thing could be that if he's always the one that has to initiate everything and take control during the whole time you two are having sex, its possible that he would want you to participate more or spice things up. Which takes me to my next suggestion, maybe you SHOULD spice things up in the bedroom, that will get him going.
But before you do anything else, I would also suggest trying to talk to him first. You did mention he still shows affection towards you, that's a good sign. Maybe theres something missing there and you're not going to find out unless you communicate babe.
Good luck!
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