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female
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anonymous
writes: I just dont understand men, well one particular one anyway. Can anyone enlighten me? Why would someone spend weeks trying to get you to go back to them, being kind and doing nice things for you. Then say they want to be with you and want you to move in and talk about marriage. Only to then pretty much ignore you? I just dont get the point? Surely if youre just after sex you can go and try it on with anyone and not put effort into trying to get someone you already hurt once? (I made him wait 2 months as i wanted to see if he really wanted me). Is this just a power trip or what? Is this just something that my bloke does, or is it common? Why spend so long trying to get back with someone when you dont really want them? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, harley_quinn +, writes (23 September 2006):
 I think it is a power trip and a rejection thing. Guys can't stand to be rejected and cleary if you were rejecting him, then he would do anything to get you to "want" him. Guys seem to get what they want and then never want it again. It's like they are hard wired to conquer what is not theirs and when they conquer it it's then time to find someone else. I don't know that's just the way it seems with men these days. If you two are not in love and he doesn't seem to really be in to you then stop wasting your time and get out. Be with someone that will love you and nurture you in the way all women should be treated.
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (23 September 2006):
 I think he needs to feel he's never to be alone howevr nasty he is sound to me as sort of Oedipus complex where you, sorry to say, play the mother role
Please ditch him and find somebody nice who cares, if not ur better alone
love
Astrid
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2006): He does this to you, because he doesn't know how to 'truely love and share" with others, for starters. But worst of..your bf is immature and likes to play with your mind and your emotions and that is very cruel and manipulative. He's one those people (I say people, because women do this too) who likely enjoys the 'rush and thrill" of the chase but when he finally accomplishes his goal, it's simply not fun anymore. You have to remember, dear...nobody can play mind-games on their own. they need someone to play with. You have a selfish, uncaring man in your life and I think you know this. This is not about giving and committing on his part. He is simply doing this to get his own needs met and he thinks this is the safer way of keeping contact than real intimacy, where they'd have to show their vulnerability. Is this what you want?
So how do you stop this? By empowering yourself emotionally and doing the work and forcing yourself to stop loving him so much, that you allow yourself to trampled on. You need to find the strength, to do something where your emotional well being doesn't depend on him, only on yourself. This is hard to do for a lot of us. But..it is the only way. If you know he won't change then you need to change yourself. By simply not tolerating it. I am sure you prefer someone, in your life who's straightforward and shows consistent, nurturing love and no games. Then go find him..there is an incredible world of nice, caring men out there who could give you so much. But first do the work, of getting this guy 'out of your life'. Cut off the cycle of pain he's inflicting on you and be courageous...build your self love up, get your power back. No one has the right to treat you this way. Remember that. I wish you self-esteem and a good, stable, happy life. You know you deserve it. Whether you'll allow yourself that, I don't know. Because if you keep this guy hanging around who doesn't know how to love and give, you won't find happiness.. Good luck!
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (23 September 2006):
 I could have wrote this question myself, on reading it I really thought I had as I'm in the same situation as you.
My ex really hurt me more than once and then comes to me telling me he realised now he loves me and wants to be with me, spent months trying to win me round fighting for me to forgive him and get back with him to then once we was back together then once I finally start feeling relaxed and start to think this time is different and this time he isn't going to play with my feelings he then doesn't want it anymore making silly excuses but really just finding a way out of it still being able to keep things sweet with me incase he wants me again.
I can to the conclusion that when he thinks I'm moving on and getting over him he panics and pulls me back in stirring all my feelings for him up to just throw me back out there.
It was a case of he didn't want anyone else having me and wanted me there for as and when he wanted me enjoying the fact that I love him therefore I make him feel loved and wanted when he needs it.
Don't be somebodies fool I spent nearly a year playing this silly game with my ex, falling for it everytime and I've only just realised that things will never do any different no matter how much I want them to be.
Godd luck, let me know how you get on :o)
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