A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Feeling pretty stupid really. I'm married and have been for 21 years. We've had our ups and downs but seem relatively happy.Earlier this year we had some work down at our house. The guy doing the work seemed nice and was very professional. Because we were happy with the paving he had done I decided to get him back to sort the back garden out. Didn't feel attracted to him at this stage. We've had builders and workmen over the years extending the house and various other things done and I've never been remotely interested even with the odd little bit of flirtation off one or two. I just laughed it off and it was instantly forgotten. Whilst arranging a day for this guy to sort out the back garden via text he suddenly got flirty. One of his previous texts had ended with two kisses which at the time I thought odd but then thought no more of it. This was about a week or 2 before the flirty texts. The first couple of texts were fine then all of a sudden this fella was telling me he was thinking things he really shouldn't have when he first met me. I found it amusing and was flattered as he was attractive. A few days later the messages became a little intimate with him wanting us to meet up for a drink, he knew I was tempted and that we both wanted more. He came to the house to check that the work was ok and that I was pleased. There were looks exchanged between us but nothing more. I made even more effort with my appearance and knew he liked what he saw. The following evening there were more texts, he told me I looked lovely when he saw me and wished something had happened. The texts became very sexual. He texted me for hours and I loved it.One other evening of texts followed though only for a short while. Then he seemed to ignore me for a few days, he then sent text saying he could no longer do the back garden. I asked 'why' and he said texts had been read by his gf. I was really upset as the attraction was strong but decided it was for the best and an affair would only lead to heartache. I still thought about him a little but kept busy and tried to focus on my husband. However Saturday morning I had received a text from this guy during the early hours. Was surprised as I hadn't expected to hear from him again. I later sent him a ? as didn't know why he was texting me. He replied that he'd had a few to drink and was thinking about me and that he wanted me. Later that evening there were more texts, really intimate from him and photos of him in boxers. I sent one or 2 very tame photos and he was begging me to send pictures of my most intimate area naked! I wasn't that stupid and refused. He said he was desperate to meet up with me and told me exactly what he wanted to do to me in great detail. Although I was turned on I did tell him I was pissed off at him ignoring me before.I asked him a couple of questions like how was his phone read and he seemed to skirt around the questions and was vague with his answers.He still messaged me saying he wanted to see naked pics of me. I refused. Yesterday I messaged him to arrange to meet up. He replied back that he wasn't brave enough and it could hurt too many people and for us to delete numbers! Was shocked though there was also a little relief if I'm honest. As much as I wanted him, the idea of my husband and kids getting hurt wasn't something I wanted. So I know he's right deep down as an affair would cause too much pain but I feel stupid. I wouldn't have contacted him again, he made the first move at the weekend. Why? Why on earth did I feel the need for an affair? And will the stupidity fade over time. My husband is not aware of any of this. We've had trust issues over the years and until this I've never been tempted. I feel stupid and is it common for men to do this sort of thing? Playing games just seems weird to me. .
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): I'm the original poster of this questionIt's true regarding the trust between us. However my husband does travel with his job every so often and for a few years now I've not worried that he may be doing something he shouldn't. If anything i enjoy a bit of me time( which is little as i do have 2 teenagers) I've always found gut feeling to be accurate with me and so I don't have any worries on that score. I still feel foolish for wanting to meet up with this guy especially as he then didn't want to.Thats what i''m struggling with right now. He was begging me in those texts to meet up so I can only guess he was playing a game (that he started originally) or maybe he just got cold feet. I just wish I hadn't messaged him wanting to meet up and that I had seen it for what it was. I am making some effort with my husband though despite him being away this week I've been thinking of when he comes home and how to spice things up with him. So heading in the right direction at least and as that part of our marriage has always been so good it's a start.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): One of the cardinal rules of successful relationships between you and your husband has been broken. That is trust. I believe that may be why you did what you did. If you love your husband it is time to sit him down and institute some change to help you forget wanting to have a affair. I have a successful relationship of almost four years because both my man and my self agreed we would be monogamous only. We don't have trust issues at all and openly talk about anything that could or would affect our intimacy in the bedroom. Good-luck get some resolution asap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): I am the poster of this question. Thank you for your comments. They certainly make sense.Craving excitement certainly rings true. My husband is a good man and I still fancy him. However He does have a habit of letting himself go at times which I don't understand because he is a good looking man. I've never been in this situation before so it's all very strange. I need to spice up things with my husband. I suggested a 'date night' recently and he looked at me as though I was crazy, though he did agree to it. He travels occasionally with his job and is away this week. Will be good to get my head clear before his return. As far as this other man is concerned I realise it was all a game. I actually feel sorry for his gf now as he will do this again with someone else. If he ever messages me again i know that I will ignore him completely or just tell him to do one!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 June 2013):
 You write: "....is it common for men to do this sort of thing? Playing games just seems weird to me..."
Yes... we men do this all the time. We think that you (all) women are sitting about just waiting to be our next sexual conquest...... AND, it's astounding how many times we DO find that conquest.... It keeps us coming back for more and more....
That said...... YOU happened to AVOID being that conquest with this guy... Consider it as if a bullet whizzed by your earlobe.... breaking your earring.... but nothing more...
So.... keep quiet about it.... return to the life that you KNOW is your best... be a good wife to hubby... DON'T ever hire this guy for work in the future... and let out a "Phew... I almost screwed up pretty badly.. Thank you, Lord, for preventing me from doing that stupid-something."
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 June 2013):
You craved some excitement... That's perfectly normal, but you obviously took things too far. For most people, the affair is exciting, but the guilt and the fact that they could lose everything over it make it more suitable as a fantasy than a reality.
Maybe you need to work on spicing up your relationship with your husband?
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