A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok I am in serious need of some advice here as I am super depressed.. here it goes.Nine months ago I moved from Canada to Australia to meet up with some girl friends and stay on a one year visa to work and travel and have fun. I met a guy almost right away, who was also my manager at the bar I worked at.. and also the boyfriend of another Canadian girl, whom I had never met and didnt live in Australia but was friends with all of my house mates. Now I am never one to get involved with someone in a relationship, but there was just something there with this guy that I couldnt fight. Not to mention I never seen nor heard about the girlfriend since she was in another country so it was out of sight out of mind. So for the first 6 months we would sleep together when we got drinking, and he would tell me he had feelings for me etc. Then the following day he would always say he shouldnt have done it and it wont happen again.. but it always did, he always organized nights out and made sure i was invited.. I realized it was always a back and forth game with us.. she eventually moved here to be with him and we stopped for a month but then began again.. .but then around the 6month mark when I had left the job we worked together at I had realized I had much stronger feelings then I thought.. Once I was leaving the job he told me he was leaving his girlfriend, but needed to be single so he could work on himself and change as he had done a terrible thing to her. I will let you know at this point its been 9 months and she only moves out next week, yet they have been broken up for months but she remained living there. So from the 6month point until just recently we started seeing each other sober, and going out for dinner, and texting all day, and it started to feel like an actual relationship which i was thrilled about because I have liked this guy for so long. For the last 3 weeks though he has started pulling back I noticed and it has really hurt me, so finally the other night we spoke about it and he said we should take 2 weeks off from seeing each other and see how we feel at the end of that.. if we still want to continue or not. I understand hes still going through a break up and his ex moves out in a week but this guy is killing me, havent I waited and played his mind games long enough.. Its always back and forth with him. Mind you hes 22 and im 24. But I just feel like I have done so much for him as I used to lie to friends for him so his girlfriend didnt find out, we risked our jobs for each other, friendships.. everything and finally I started to hear from him he had feelings and wanted to be with me, then he pulls back? I know theres also a good chance he will do to me what he did to her, but deep down he is an amazing person, and long distance relationships are hard and he realizes what hes done is terrible. I just dont know why hes doing this to me right now, why would he need the last week she lives there and the week after she moves out to not see me to see how he feels about me? I know how I feel.. shouldnt he? Or am I being selfish in the fact that I should allow him to have his breakup time and deal with those emotions first before jumping into anything. Its not even that I want him to say we are in a relationship either, I know he needs time.. Im just sick of the back and forth.. one day he likes me one day he doesnt.. its to hard and at this point now I am an emotional wreck, its 4days into the 2weeks of not seeing each other and i cant eat or sleep and im very upset. Any and all advice is helpful!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): Your relationship with him doesn't sound real (as in more than a fling) and it's unlikely a good and lasting relationship will come from a beginning such as this.Assuming he's not playing you (and from your words it does not sound like he is) he is feeling guilt and is clearly unsure about his feelings for you. This part is more than understandable. Would you want someone who is capable of coldly just breaking off and moving onto someone new? In that respect, it's a good thing he has some emotions about this.That said, you already know he is capable of cheating...I don't think he's intentionally trying to jerk you around. He's most likely just really struggling with guilt (and maybe uncertainty). He know he shouldn't have done it, but the sex with you is so good, but then it's over and he feels the guilt again, and so on this cycle goes (as many men know).How will this end? I really have no idea. It could go either way.I do feel for you and the pain and anxiety you have right now. They are difficult and powerful feelings. For your own sake you can't let that go for too long. Thus, soon, you will need to secure a real unburdened commitment from him, or you are best to break it off and move on. Don't leave yourself in this state for too long.
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