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Why is this married man even speaking to me??

Tagged as: Age differences, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 August 2010) 22 Answers - (Newest, 19 October 2010)
A female Canada age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Married man in his 40s likes me?

I'm a 15 year old girl and this married man has been chatting with me since last month. It all started with giving him pics of me in my bra and undie. Further more, I've showed myself on cam, but never nude. He always tells me how sexy I am and he fantasies of me being with him. Feeling my body and if we were to be together and yada yada.

I'm starting to feel suspicious by this man not only does he want me to be his friend, he has asked for nudes awhile back. After I sent him an e-mail giving him a hint that I didn't really wanna do it. He confessed that he was sorry and won't make me do anything I'm uncomfortable doing.

He says very disturbing things even about sex.

Why is this married man even speaking to me??

View related questions: bra , married man

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010):

i think that you just got caught up in the moment but we're nobody to judge you. But now you seen what the consequences were and i can honestly say it wasn't all your fault. As now you know not to have any more contact with him and just learn from your mistake because no one is perfect good luck and be safe.

-love kayy

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

Just read your latest follow-up, excellent news, I'm so pleased you have deleted him. Thank you. I understand you want test your feminine charms, but NEVER do it via the internet, save if for that special guy you meet in reality, the one you build a REAL relationship with, you date, get close to emotionally, the one who thinks and feels you are special to him, as YOU will be.

I'm so proud of you...take care, and always be SELECTIVE!

Jilly x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Jilly, I won't ever do it. I deleted him. Yes, okay it's my fault for doing this to him. I don't go into chat rooms anymore. Thanks though.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

Why are you flashing this married man? It's completely wrong anyways why would you talk to a stranger and then eroticlly dance for him. That is just immature and totally irresponsible, but anyways yes stop contacting him he shouldn't be looking at you he is too old, and you are too young to be parading half naked on screens to strangers. Get your kicks elsewhere.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

as for the girl asking the question.... don't you have anything better to do? Its apparent you don't have male role models in your life but seriously this type of behavior will get you into trouble... maybe not right away but there are some sickos out there. So, since you are dying from no attention at home find someplace where you can get attention in a positive way ( and i don't mean the local strip club or sex web cam) get some friends talk with them and fill your calendar.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

what the girl is doing is wrong thats a fact! But this is a GROWN MAN... I don't give a dam if she is trying to sit on his lap in just her undies... HIS answer is NOOOOOO and should be noooo. is she trying to seduce him and learning to sharpin the claws maybe and probably... but again he is the grown up! HE should be able to see this! there for he is not a victim, but a perv. Poor him my rear end.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

please dont overlook your sucpicion. This man is not at all trustworthy and see his age.. that clears everything of why he wants to be with you..

such people catch young girls, who are in developing stage of their livelyhood and so they take benefit of their innocency..

please dont talk to him from now and tell him that if he writes a crap again, you will tell the police..

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2010):

DrPsych agony auntHe speaks to you because he is a predatory paedophile who is on the internet looking for victims. I used to work in child protection and sadly I have heard of many similar cases. Don't be flattered by his attentions. He may make you feel special and important, but many sex offenders can be very persuasive in their tactics. He probably talks to many young girl's. He collects photo's and perhaps shares them with other adults who have similar interests. He may even be receiving payment from people he circulates the material to. He does this because he is a sexually and psychologically inadequate man who is incapable of forming healthy normal relationships with people his own age. His interest in young girl's stems from a sense of power that he has over them (power he wouldn't necessarily command of older women). The reality is that he is very dangerous. It is important that you contact the police and tell your parents (or someone you trust). He may not have harmed you too much yet, but other young girl's are at risk (they could be much younger, more vulnerable etc). You also have to ask yourself why you would allow this man to see you nearly naked. I think if you don't have the self respect to say no to predators then you need to be away from the computer for your own safety. Relationships with boys (and men) should be based on personal friendship and a long-term romantic connection before you start taking your clothes off. It should also happen at an older age than 15. You may think you are a lady of worldly knowledge but you are not because you have let an older male take advantage of you. I am sure you wouldn't want your photo's shown to your parents, teachers, school mates etc would you?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

There's no need to apologize to us at all. Asking questions is the best thing to do in all situations including yours.

Let me just make it clear to you, that I was not attacking you, my intention was to give you a slap in the face and say 'snap out of it'. I'm normally quite nice in my answers but I felt you needed a bit of a wake up call.

Don't feel bad about any of this, you made a mistake, we all do. He's the one with the family, he's the one in the wrong, you just got carried away in the moment. As long as you get rid him as soon as possible then things will be okay, you will have done the right thing and will have nothing to feel ashamed about.

As long as you make this right, you can hold your head up high and you'll learn a very valuable lessen.

One piece of advice I must give you though, don't send sexy pics or dance for anyone. You might think it will make guys like you but it only makes them like you for sex. You have to make us earn to right to have you do those things for us. Save that kind of thing for boyfriends, if you do those things for anyone then it ruins the mystique and well if you do it for lots of people then you can't give it to a boyfriend as something special.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

My lasting posting on this question, as I seriously think this young girl KNOWS exactly what she is doing, and to some extent USING this forum to extend her game play.

There seems to be a LOT blame on this guy here, as though this girl is innocent and SHE IS NOT, she is willingly acting in this way, in fact she comes across as provocative in her posting, and her replies, no remorse or regret at all for behaving like this. YES we know he is likely to be paedophile, but which comes first the chicken or the egg, and in this case, this GIRL has and IS being openly and WILLINGLY inviting HIM to interact with him in this way.

We have all warned her, but still she wants to chat on MSN with him, she is not unintelligent and like the webcam where she acts out HER power game, I feel she is doing the same here. She is not the innocent we are ALL treating her as being!

As for one posting suggesting the girl contacts the wife and tells her what her husband is up to, is beyond comprehension, NOT because I don't believe this guy shouldn't get a real sharp reminder, a SERIOUS reprimand, but how would this girl FIRST EXPLAIN to the wife, how she is posing in undies for pictures for strange men all over the internet, actually likes it, then dances in front of a webcam for this man. This is NOT a young girl who is innocently on MSN and stumbles across a guy who wants to lead her astray - personally HER acting in the way she has, demonstrated her desire to find MEN who would interact with her like this.

NO IF's and BUT's she needs to STOP, but will she? No I think not.

Jilly

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your answers. I will delete him while apologizing to him. I'm sorry for asking this and you guys are right. I will learn my lesson.

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A female reader, EbonyBlossom United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2010):

EbonyBlossom agony auntIn all honesty, he just sounds like a pervert to me. Men that age talking like that to girls your age only want one thing. I'm glad you haven't sent the nudes. Don't get involved with this man again. If you are below the age of consent, then he is committing a crime and you should report him. Cut all contact with him. Also, if he is being perverted like this, then his wife should know. Maybe you should contact her saying the things he has asked of you.

Don't talk to him or do anything he says. Have fun with boys your age. You should also tell your parents, in case you are in any kind of danger.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

"He is a nice friend" Really? You think he's your friend?

Would you also think a a guy your age who you'd sent sexy pics to and danced for would also only want to be friends?

Have any of your other friends asked you to dance for them or asked for pictures of you?

Do you think your dad would or any of his friends would make friends with a 15 year old girl? Why not?

If you found out your dad was "friends" with a girl your age who was doing the things you do for this, how would that make you feel? That's what his son will have to go through if you don't stop.

You don't have to answer these questions for us just for yourself, because you really need to start asking yourself a lot of questions about this.

I'm not going tell you what you should and should not do, it's your life, if you want to ruin it and ruin this guys marriage that's your choice. Tearing up the family and ripping a young boys life apart in the process, because you think that a 40 year old man that tells you you're sexy and fantasizes about you sexually is your friend. Then I think sooner or later you're going to find out exactly what kind of consequences your actions are going to have the hard way.

While it would be nicer if you figured this out beforehand, you already know what you're doing and we both know you're not going to stop because you like the attention.

So I say go for it, see what happens, see if you still enjoy the attention when it's his wife asking your parents how could they let this happen. Or a young boy without a father and living with the shame of having a paedophile father asks you why you would do this to him.

Oh did we not cover the fact that he's a paedophile grooming you for sex? hmm strange that hasn't come up yet.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

You think you will ruin his marriage and relationship with his son...I'm starting to think it's you who is the predator, you know perfectly well after all these postings how DANGEROUS this is, yet from your recent reply, you are chatting on MSN with him still.

Someone suggests report this man - How would HE be reported? explaining to the police, you strip off down to your undies and pose for pictures openely for all the internet to see, dance provocatively in front of a webcam, permit him to talk in a sexual manner to you, and you STILL chat on MSN with him...May be it should be YOU who is reported to your parents for enticing MEN in this way in the first place, and then complaining about it, but have absolutely no intentions so it seems to stop.

Most young girls IF they had genuinely been scared by this, learnt a lesson, felt it was wrong on reflection, but when young everyone makes mistakes, and may have posted " Yeah, I shouldn't have done all this, I see it now, I'm going to STOP, not going to chat with him anymore, and I certainly don't want to ruin his marriage, I'm going to STOP, thanks all"

Jilly

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

Why is he speaking to you? Because YOU are inviting this kind of interaction with this man. I find it MORE worrying that a young girl of your age, 15, wants to display herself on a webcam in or out of undies in a provocative mannner.

Where do you think this is leading??? If you think it's ok to show yourself in undies to MEN you know nothing about whatsoever, what will you be doing in 12 months time, situations like this don't just stand still. You are playing a very, very dangerous game, and one I'm sure you are well aware about. At 15 girls KNOW how physically attractive they can be to the opposite sex, and you more than anyone knows this.

Of course this man should NOT be interacting with a 15 year old in this manner, absolutely not, and he's married which makes it even worse. But if you weren't sitting in front of a computer screen making yourself available to all and sundry in this manner, the situation would never have arisen.

I wonder where your parents are where all this is going on - dancing in front of a webcam, posing in undies, is not done in a few seconds, so to me it sounds you need some parental guidance, and some healthy interests apart from stripping down to your undies for the likes of this man to be aroused by. No wonder he talks in a sexual manner to you, sorry, and I know this is direct, but for your own good, this is a VERY dangerous game, and one you need to stop, there are ways of means of tracking your IP address, and some men don't just stop at viewing webcams, you have got to SEE the seriousness of your actions, so please, please STOP, it is not nice what you're doing.

Jilly

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, yeah...Now I know the consequences of my actions. This man still wants to chat with me on msn. He is a nice friend...I don't know. I think I will ruin his marriage and his relationship with his son.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

Sweetness he is clearly a predator. All what he wants is obviously sex, which is statutory rape in this case because you are underage. Report this criminal to the police at your earliest conveniece. Animals like him shall not exist in our society.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

The answer to your question is simple, because you've sent him pics of you in your undies. You pretty much know why he's speaking to you, it's all in your question. You know exactly what is happening.

The real question you should be asking is, why is a 15 year old girl sending a married man sexy pictures of herself in her underwear?

When you figure that one out let us know.

Personally I think you know exactly what you're doing and I can tell you it's a very dangerous game you are playing. You might think it's all fun and games, perhaps you think it won't have any real life consequences. You couldn't be more wrong. This is going to get real bad for you real soon unless you cut off all contact, that much I can guarantee you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

Hmm... this man is insane! Just ignore this kind of people! You are still young, you deserve better for yourself! Not showing people you don't even know!

Love yourself, love your soul!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

He's interested in you because you're showing yourself as sexual and giving him all the signs you like him. Never do anything sexual eg photos, cam, chat with someone you don't like, especially a 40 year old. You're inviting him to be aroused by you and now you're complaining? Just don't do it! Its not hard

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

Animals go where the food is.

The question is: Why are YOU even speaking to him?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I showed him my seductive dancing on webcam..he won't stop telling me how sexy and erotic it was.

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