A
female
age
30-35,
*ashleya
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for four years now we have three girls together and now we are having problems because he doesn't involve me in any part of his life what so ever. He doesn't invite me out anywhere when he goes out with his friends doesn't tell me about anything that he does i get nothing from him!!! And now i am fed up with this and really ready to just walk away! Why is this happening??? How can i get him to open up to me and include me in his life again??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2017):
 Three children in four years is a big change for most people at your age. Perhaps he is feeling left out of the picture or else he is not ready for the family life. Have you tried talking to him and telling him how you feel?
You are both parents so it is unfair that he just leaves and doesn't tell you where he is going, I can see why you are ready to walk. But you should stay and fight for that family unit for your children. Talk to him. Tell him you are close to leaving. Tell him how you feel.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 December 2016):
 Find a womens centre or a neighbourhood legal centre and find out what your rights are. I believe there are also some excellent resources online available to women in the US, do some research, ask questions and see what help is available.
Your boyfriend has failed to live up to the job of partner and parent so you need to accept you are going to have to do the job on your own .... get your ducks in a row.
If you live together start planning your exit, gather together all your important papers etc and store them with a trusted friend or family member. If you do this carefully enough you will also be able to leave with the sentimental stuff, treasured photographs and mementoes. Start saving furiously.
I know this is not the answer you want to hear but there is nothing that will make him open up, he has already got you exactly where he wants you, tied to the kitchen sink and unable to move because you have the three children to care for.
HOWEVER ... if he does have an amazing change of heart (unlikely) give him nothing, no sex, no access, no meals, no laundry, nothing, no money, no gifts for birthdays or anything until you have been legally married. You, and your children, are worth way more than he is giving you all.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie +, writes (30 December 2016):
 Three children in four years, and you're both so young - maybe he's not coping and shutting you out is the only way he can deal with the situation. Do you have a relationship with anyone in his family who can help you try to get him to sit down and talk? He isn't just shutting you out, he is also turning away from his children. He needs to deal with the situation. Hopefully it is just immaturity, and with help you can reach him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2016): Chances are that this guy feels he's got you where he wants you and you are now busy fulfilling the mother role.He doesnt feel its necessary to engage you in his life because you have 3 kids and he expects to always be allowed into their lives.Ive even heard of men who make the children and then weant to take them from the mother on the assumption that she is an unfit mother and drop them off with relatives!Ive always thought this is a cowardly move as the women puts so much time and energy into her children and I hope your boyfriends thoughtlessness doesnt fall into this category.My advice would be to concentrate on yourself as much as possible and widen your support circle.You are too young and busy to worry too much about the boyfriend.If he is becoming a closed book and conceals his movements from you he is limiting his relationship.You might be able to sound out your options and your rights from a womens support group or free legal advice centre regarding an absolute breakdown of the relationship.Perhaps you are looking for rekindling advice but at the moment I feel too annoyed hearing of his thoughtlessness to offer you anything practical in that direction.Others may offer you that support if required!
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